Archive for 2010

You Might As Well Be Walk­ing on the Sun

Short thug: Nig­ga, stars come in all sizes. Just ’cause some are big­ger don’t mean they are clos­er.
Tall thug: Fuck it, they don’t! The sun’s the biggest star be­cause that moth­er­fuck­er’s the clos­est. (oth­er thugs mur­mur in agree­ment)
Short thug: What about the moon, then? It looks big­ger than any of them bitch­es.
Tall thug: Be­cause it’s clos­er! Damn!
Short thug: But it ain’t big­ger than a moth­er­fuck­ing star!
Ran­dom thug: Ain’t no­body know how big a star is, man.
Short thug, ex­as­per­at­ed: How many of you nig­gas smok­ing your own shit? (they fall silent) God­damn! Well, that ex­plains a whole fuck­ing lot!

–St. John’s & Un­der­hill

You Think High School Ends When You Leave High School?

20-some­thing woman #1: She’s an adult, and she still does­n’t know how to blow dry her own hair!
20-some­thing woman #2: I know! And she looks like shit when she comes in­to work.
20-some­thing woman #1: It’s ab­solute­ly dis­gust­ing!
20-some­thing woman #2: Every­one is all wear­ing make­up and she’s just not!
20-some­thing woman #1: I know it’s not in your job con­tract to blow dry your hair, but come on!

–1 Train

Hold Up– You Guys Went to a Bil­ly Joel Con­cert?

Drunk guy: I sum­mon all the sin­gle ladies to my per­son­al sleep­ing quar­ters. Some­body come up here and kiss me! I’m an out­stand­ing kiss­er and an ex­cel­lent swing dancer! Girls, boys, her­maph­ro­dites, I don’t care!
Drunk guy’s friend: If you think this is bad, you should’ve seen him at the Bil­ly Joel con­cert… He peed on my foot.
Drunk guy: On­ly be­cause you were wear­ing san­dals!

–Citi Field Sta­di­um