Archive for 2010

A Typ­i­cal Sat­ur­day Night for David Has­sel­hoff

An­gry drunk yelling at man: Fuck you! Fuck your moth­er! I hope you die, you piece of shit!
An­gry drunk­’s girl­friend: Will you just calm down?
An­gry drunk: No, fuck that! I hope he dies! I hope his moth­er dies! I’ll fuck­ing go back in time and ter­mi­nate his moth­er!
Brave stranger: (laughs)
An­gry drunk: What the fuck are you laugh­ing at moth­er­fuck­er?
Brave stranger: Go­ing back in time and ter­mi­nat­ing his moth­er.
An­gry drunk: Well, okay, that is fun­ny… I like that movie too. (pause) Fuck him, I hope he dies!

–Q Train

Prefer­ably in He­brew

13-year-old boy #1: Don’t you re­mem­ber that you told me my Bar Mitz­vah was ter­ri­ble?
13-year-old boy #2: When did I say that? I did not say noth­ing.
13-year-old boy #1: Don’t you re­mem­ber? You were talk­ing to Eileen and you said I made a lot of mis­takes. Don’t blame me.
13-year-old boy #2: Don’t blame you? You’re blam­ing me! This is why we can’t get to­geth­er. Now we can’t eat din­ner to­geth­er. We need con­flict res­o­lu­tion.

–Barnes & No­ble, 86th & Lex­ing­ton