Archive for 2010

Yes, It Was a Sex Thing.

An­noy­ing tween: Oh my god, my dad made me use this, like, Sa­lon brand sham­poo. Oh my god, look at this vol­ume! There’s noth­ing! (two friends nod) And, guess what? It al­so smells like lla­ma spit! (two friends look con­fused) You want to know how I know what lla­ma spit smells like? My dad once got spat on in the face by a lla­ma!

–1 Train

Over­heard by: Lily

I Had a Long Con­ver­sa­tion with One While I Was Shroom­ing the Oth­er Day

Girl #1: So, like Bud­dhist wor­ship cows. They feel like they are sa­cred and don’t eat them, or milk them, or noth­ing…
Girl #2: Aw, shit! For re­al?
Girl #1: Yeah, most of them are veg­e­tar­i­ans. They don’t eat any­thing that’s alive, or has a soul, or some­thing… Cause you can be rein­car­nat­ed in­to some­thing you can eat.
Girl #2: So what do veg­e­tar­i­ans eat?
Girl #1, star­ing blankly: What?
Girl #2: What do veg­e­tar­i­ans eat?
Girl #1: They’re veg­e­tar­i­ans! (gig­gles) Fuck! Veg­eta­bles! (rolls eyes, then laughs)
Girl #2, look­ing odd­ly: But trees are alive.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Brown­sug­ar­wa­ter

You Nev­er Com­plain About My Mus­tache When You’re Rid­ing It

Drunk girl to hip­ster boyfriend: How come my hair al­ways gets stuck in your mus­tache?!
Boy: I don’t have a mus­tache.
Drunk girl: You know what I meant, boy! A beard! My hair al­ways gets caught on it! Do you ever get food in there? Or cof­fee? Do you get a lit­tle sick if you sleep with a wet mus­tache? (pause) Oh, I’m just mess­ing… (laughs at her­self) but I hope you’ve been wash­ing that thing with sham­poo and con­di­tion­er every day!

–West Vil­lage