Older lady: I have an unlimited subway pass, but what I’d really like is an unlimited gas pass.
Older man: Oh, I already have unlimited gas.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Karen S
Older lady: I have an unlimited subway pass, but what I’d really like is an unlimited gas pass.
Older man: Oh, I already have unlimited gas.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Karen S
Teenage girl #1: Well, if someone runs up to us you can just shoot him.
Teenage girl #2, astonished: You know what? I think I left my gun in my other pants!!
Teenage girl #1, laughing: Well, watch out! Even though you’re my best friend, if an angry man chases us, I’m tripping you!
–34th St
Police officer #1: They really shouldn’t let elderly people in this elevator. It’s so hot and there’s no air circulation, people pass out in here!
Police officer #2: Well, maybe they should just not go on the elevator. (they laugh)
Police officer #1: But seriously, I had to give three old ladies mouth-to-mouth.
Police officer #2: Well, there’s a first time for everything.
–168th St
Old man: This is obviously… an important street.
Old woman: It’s Broadway.
–Broadway & 54th
Overheard by: glm
European: You guys are big on your breakfast.
American: Yeah, not really. Europeans really know how to do breakfast… We don’t.
European: I guess. Like we have Polish sausage.
–Starbucks
Girl #1: Ugh, the economy is so bad I don’t know how I’m going to get through the recession.
Girl #2: Oh my god, I know! I mean, I lost my job and now my parents are only giving me $50 allowance a week!
Girl #1: Wow, that’s crazy! Only $50?
–LIRR
Overheard by: michelle
Drunk, loudly to drunk friend: Relax, dude, no one even notices. (drunk friend mumbles) It’s St. Patty’s day, bro. These people don’t care. Bro, no one’s gonna know you pissed yourself.
–E Train
Stereotypical jock, loudly: Man, I cant wait till we’re back on dry land!
Scottish flight attendant: I can end that wait if you don’t lower your voice.
–Flight Departing JFK
Old black hobo: Folks… Look inside your heart. I am hungry and I am homeless. Please help me with some food or something. Look inside your heart.
(young black teenager keeps waving a subway sandwich in his face while hobo continues to rant)
Old black hobo: Look inside your heart. I am so hungry. Just look inside your heart!
Young black teenager, real pissed off: Sucka, look inside this bag! There’s a sandwich in here!
–1 Train
Bus driver to deranged-looking smelly, yelling guy: Sir, this is your stop. Will you please leave the bus now.
Smelly guy: I pay taxes!
–M2 Bus
Overheard by: richardnixon
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist