Archive for 2010

Four, Then?

Mom: You’re ground­ed.
Kid: Thanks.
Mom: How about two weeks, then?
Kid: No prob­lem.
Mom: Okay, let’s make it three weeks.
Kid: No, let’s do two.
Mom: Oh, no, three weeks with no video games.

–Mac­Dou­gal & Hous­ton

Over­heard by: jay­dig­gs

What’s the World Com­ing to When You Can’t Even Bride a Cop for a Celebri­ty’s Ad­dress?

20-some­thing dude: I don’t get why a tourist would spend their whole day try­ing to spot an ac­tor.
Friend: Yeah.
20-some­thing dude: I guess I could see my­self go­ing to some re­al hot ac­tress­es’ usu­al spots.
Man: You mean like stalk­ing?
20-some­thing dude: Hah! This guy knows what I’m talk­ing about.
Man: I’m a cop.
20-some­thing dude: Oh. So you ac­tu­al­ly know what I’m talk­ing about. Don’t wor­ry, of­fi­cer, I on­ly in­tend on stalk­ing Na­tal­ie Port­man.
Cop: You wan­na go for a ride?
20-some­thing dude: Like around in your car?
Cop: To the sta­tion.
20-some­thing dude: I’ll shut up.
Cop: That­ta boy.

–Brook­lyn Heights

Over­heard by: In­D­Can­d­Miss­ing­BK

You’ll Look for Any Ex­cuse to Wear a Skirt, Ron­nie.

Douche tourist #1: Yeah, so, I’ve been hang­ing out in Bed-Stuy a lot. You know, where Big­gie Smalls grew up? It’s the re­al hood. I’m hav­ing so much fun. You can get, like, Chi­nese food, and the guy’s just like “okay, man, okay” if you don’t have a gun.
Douche tourist #2: Yeah. It makes you think, how we live in, like, this lit­tle bub­ble.
Douche tourist #1: To­tal­ly. But I used to have a fake ID for teenage re­bel­lion. But Min­neapo­lis is such a 21-and-over town. They took the ID away from me. (sighs) That was such a great ID.
Douche tourist #2: Do you know Sam? She plays hock­ey.
Douche tourist #1: Re­al hock­ey, or…
Douche tourist #2: No, girl hock­ey.
Douche tourist #1: You mean field hock­ey. I love field hock­ey. I’m se­ri­ous, I want to play field hock­ey so bad. I think it’s re­verse sex­ism that they don’t let guys play.
Douche tourist #2: Well, guys can play. You’d just have to play against each oth­er, not the girls.
Douche tourist #1: Why?
Douche tourist #2: Well, guys are stronger than girls.
Douche tourist #1: But what if we wore the same skirts? Than we’d be too em­bar­rassed to play good.

–Cof­fee Shop, 8th St