Archive for 2010

“Row, Row, Row Your Bon­er…”

Small white chick: I’m so horny. All I can think is, “pe­nis pe­nis pe­nis pe­nis.“
Large black gay friend: I know how you feel. That’s me, con­stant­ly.
Small white chick: Well, it’s al­so me. So I guess we’re in the same boat. The same pe­nis-shaped boat.
Large black gay friend: Big, hard, black pe­nis-shaped boat.
Small white chick: That’s us. We’re in that boat.
Large black gay friend: Is it a mo­tor­boat?!
Small white chick: Yes! Of course!
Large black gay friend: Yay!
Small white chick: It is a pe­nis-boat, af­ter all.
Large black gay friend: We’re soooo horny… It’s kin­da gross.

–23rd St & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Penis­boat

…So I’ll Ask Their Names First.

Prep­py white girl, about friend’s shirt: I wan­na par­ty like a rock star!
Punk guy friend: So you want to play a show, shoot up hero­in, fuck a stranger, then do it all again in an­oth­er state the next night?
Prep­py white girl: I don’t wan­na fuck strangers!

–Queens­boro Plaza

Over­heard by: diex-ro­man­tic

…And You’d Bet­ter Use Some SAT Ad­jec­tives.

Hot girl: Hm­mm, that’s a synec­dochi­cal head­line.
Hot boyfriend: What does “synec­dochi­cal” mean?
Hot girl: Well, synec­doche is a fig­ure of speech where a part of some­thing is used to stand for the whole of it, or where the whole of some­thing is used to stand for a part of it. So, in that news­pa­per that guy is read­ing, when they say, “De­troit us­es bailout mon­ey,” they re­al­ly are talk­ing about the au­to­mo­bile in­dus­try, not all of De­troit. They’re us­ing all of De­troit to re­fer to a ma­jor part of De­troit’s econ­o­my. Synec­doche. They use this in news­pa­pers all the time, come to think of it.
Hot boyfriend, smil­ing but clear­ly no longer fol­low­ing her: Girl, look at that vo­cab­u­lary! You’re so smart.
Hot girl, flat­ly: Yes, yes, I’m very smart. Now shut up about that and tell me how pret­ty I am.

–6 Train

Over­heard by: some­one with dif­fer­ent pri­or­i­ties

I Got Your Wednes­day One-Lin­er– Swingin’

Skin­ny ob­nox­ious blonde: Sh­eryl had a shirt that said “I love Wayne’s dick.” And I was like “Sh­eryl, why are you wear­ing that to the out­back?”

–AMC Movie The­ater

Girl to guy: Epic fail, you have a non-work­ing dick.

–2nd Ave & 9th St

Guy on cell: Hel­lo, this is sweet dick. Can I speak to tight pussy?

–West Vil­lage

Man to an­oth­er: So last night, I was play­ing with my dick, and…

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Dusty F.

Man on cell: He don’t an­swer to “Leon” no more. He is now “Dick Das­tard­ly.”

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Mut­t­ley

“Starv­ing Chil­dren in Ethiopia Don’t Even Have Wednes­day One-Lin­ers!”

NYU stu­dent to an­oth­er: Spinach is like sex: if you were forced to have it as a child, you would­n’t en­joy it as an adult.

–Uni­ver­si­ty Place & 12th St

Hobo, point­ing to deli sign: They want you to toss your own sal­ad for $8.95.

–23rd and 3rd

Over­heard by: Nicole Ship­man

Suit shout­ing in­to cell: Egg­plant! Egg­plant! Je­sus Christ, what is so fuck­ing hard about egg­plant?!

–Green­wich Vil­lage

Over­heard by: Sun­ny

Sub­way preach­er: I like veg­eta­bles! You got­ta eat them so you can live. I like to put veg­eta­bles in my mouth. I like the way they taste!

–N Train

Guy to an­oth­er: Take the pick­le, be­cause by god if some­one else does and you don’t get it, well, you’ll be pick­le-less and that’s not ide­al.

–125th St

Over­heard by: Bri­an K.

Some­thing Old, Some­thing New, Some­thing Bor­rowed, and Some­thing Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Woman on cell: Yeah, to­day’s his wed­ding. I thought about dri­ving sev­en hours through the snow­storm to go, but then I re­al­ized that it’s his third wed­ding, he has two kids, and he’s mar­ry­ing some woman who’s preg­nant and mar­ried to some­one else, so I de­cid­ed to fuck that shit and stay in the city.

–6th Ave & Bleeck­er St

Over­heard by: of­fice pe­on

30-some­thing guy on cell: Your dad told you, your broth­er told you, I told you… Not to get mar­ried.

–Up­per West Side

Woman: We may or may not still be mar­ried. I mean, I signed the pa­pers but I don’t know if they were ever filed.

–Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Con­fab­u­la­tion Na­tion

Woman scream­ing at em­bar­rassed guy: We have to fig­ure this out! You can’t be mar­ried to two women at once!

–Cham­bers & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Jack

Wednes­day Tiny-One-Lin­ers

Girl to boyfriend: Two years ago I saw your pe­nis un­der a bright blue light. And it was small.

–Penn Sta­tion

Black guy to black friend: Her fa­ther does not want his daugh­ter mar­ry­ing some­one from an­oth­er race. What, is he scared that the kid will come out black and have a big nose? I’ll tell you one thing–he’ll have a big dick.

–Bow­ery & 1st St

Over­heard by: Zach B

Man to girl be­side him: Mine is­n’t that big. But it’s big enough for what I need it for.

–6th Ave & 9th St

Girl to friend: He had a big pe­nis. It scared me.

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: s0uthard

Young teenage boy to an­oth­er: You’re telling me you have an 8.5 inch dick and you don’t touch it?

–M21 Bus

Over­heard by: zaarah