Archive for 2010

The Bron­të Sis­ters Al­ways Have Fun in New York

Drunk blonde woman #1, rap­ping: I’m right up in your grill!
Drunk blonde woman #2: It’s a moth­er­fuckin’ thrill!
Drunk blonde woman #1: We wan­na eat your flesh!
Drunk blonde woman #2: Our rhymes are re­al­ly fresh!
Drunk blonde woman #1: We get in­to your shop­ping bag! We get in­to your purse! (pause) I don’t know what the fuck I’m talk­ing about!
Drunk blonde woman #2: It might just be a curse!

–7 Train

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Eww, They’re Wet!

20-some­thing girl to friend re­turn­ing from re­stroom: There you are! I al­most sent a search par­ty.
Friend: Yeah, I, uhm, had to go do num­ber two.
20-some­thing girl, en­thu­si­as­ti­cal­ly: Awe­some!
Friend: Yeah, I love a good num­ber two.
20-some­thing girl: Me too, man! Al­ri­i­i­ight! (rais­es hands for a high-five, then hes­i­tates) Wait, you washed your hands, right?
Friend: Yeah, of course.
20-some­thing girl, with re­newed en­thu­si­asm: Al­ri­i­i­ight! (they high five)

–Ikea, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Good think­ing.

If We’ve Learned Noth­ing Else from Mike “The Sit­u­a­tion” Sor­renti­no, It’s That.

Floozy #1, at fan­cy restau­rant: I don’t know if I can date him. Some of his dance moves were just not what I would call “het­ero­sex­u­al.“
Floozy #2: Yeeeeah, but it’s re­al­ly hard to dance het­ero­sex­u­al­ly to house mu­sic.

–Mon­key Bar, Mid­town East

Oba­macare: Ex­plained

Girl #1: What kind of in­sur­ance do you have?
Girl #2: Well, Med­ic­aid, but it just got cut off.
Girl #1: What? They tried that shit with me. But I called every­day un­til they re­in­stat­ed that shit. Some­times you just got­ta act black. No of­fense, I can say that be­cause I’m Puer­to Ri­can.
Girl #2: (nods)

–Doc­tor’s Of­fice, Jack­son Heights

I Just Hope It’s Not a Mu­si­cal

Mid­west­ern tourist la­dy #1: So last night we saw this great show, Fela!, about this mu­si­cian. It was so mov­ing, and I learned so much about that po­lit­i­cal sit­u­a­tion…
Mid­west­ern tourist la­dy #2: Which po­lit­i­cal sit­u­a­tion?
Mid­west­ern tourist la­dy #1: Well, you know, the po­lit­i­cal sit­u­a­tion in Nige­ria… And how Fela, like, helped to change it.
Mid­west­ern tourist la­dy #2: But what was the sit­u­a­tion?
Mid­west­ern tourist la­dy #1: Just like, the po­lit­i­cal sit­u­a­tion in Nige­ria.
Mid­west­ern tourist la­dy #2: I see. Well, I’ll try to get tick­ets!

–F Train