Archive for 2010

My Mis­take Was Tak­ing Body Shots Off Grand­ma

Drunk 20-some­thing #1: Oh, I blame it com­plete­ly on them.
Drunk 20-some­thing #2: Why is that?
Drunk 20-some­thing #1: Be­cause they start­ed it. They took out the tequi­la. I wound up play­ing quar­ters with my aunts and my grand­moth­er. It’s all their fault I was such a slut.

–Up­town R Train

Over­heard by: Feel­ing awk­ward…

Whether You Find This Cute or Pa­thet­ic Says a Lot About You As a Per­son

Hair-twirling woman: I did ac­tu­al­ly put sex on the cal­en­dar, be­cause it’s on­ly been four months. That’s not long enough for us to stop hav­ing sex yet! And I put it on his iPhone, so it popped up a re­minder in the mid­dle of the day too, and was all, “don’t for­get, sex tonight!” He was like, “this is the worst idea ever.” And then we had din­ner and the alarm went off and I was like, “we have to have sex now, the iPhone said so!” And we did… and af­ter­wards he was like, “that was amaz­ing, why don’t we do that all the time?”

–W 4th St

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Sheesh, Again With the Het­ero­nor­ma­tiv­i­ty?

Large man #1, watch­ing women de­liv­er­ing flow­ers: (grum­bles)
Large man #2: What? What do you want flow­ers for?
Large man #1: They might open up, you know, look pret­ty.
Large man #2: No! You don’t get no flow­ers! You’re a man!

–Com­mu­ni­ty Cen­ter, East Vil­lage

Over­heard by: Flower Pow­er

Mac­beth: Is This Emi­ly I See Be­fore Me, Her Han­dle To­ward My Hand?

Drunk man: What’s your name?
Sober woman: Emi­ly.
Drunk man: Can we talk, Emi­ly?
Sober woman: Sor­ry, I have to go call my boyfriend.
Drunk man, clutch­ing heart: Dag­ger! Your name should be “dag­ger.”

–Com­ing Out of UWS Bar

Over­heard by: That’s cold

…And Smoke Them on Be­half Of the Re­cip­i­ents

20-some­thing girl to much old­er date: So do you smoke weed?
Guy: Not so much any­more.
20-some­thing girl: Me ei­ther… Not much… I mean, it’s been a long time… But I do know this awe­some guy on St. Mark’s who gives me cheap pipes and has great shit. He al­ways has some­thing new for me.
Guy, af­ter pause: Ac­tu­al­ly, it sounds like you smoke a lot.
20-some­thing girl, af­ter em­bar­rassed pause: Well… I buy a lot of gifts.

–G Train