Archive for 2010

Your Sand­wich-Mak­ing Skills Are Fair­ly Mid­dling.

Ob­nox­ious girl: I want the meat clos­er to the bread.
(em­ploy­ee tries four dif­fer­ent con­fig­u­ra­tions try­ing to fig­ure out what girl wants)
Ob­nox­ious girl: No, I want the meat clos­er to the bread.
(work­er pulls out some of the cen­ter of the bread)
Ob­nox­ious girl: Now that you have man­gled it, I want new bread.

–Sub­way, 110th St & Lenox

Ac­tu­al­ly, a Shirt by Tom­my Ba­hama

Ag­ing woman with poor Botox: I’ve been all over the world. All over. Every con­ti­nent, prac­ti­cal­ly.
Friend: Where have you been?
Ag­ing woman with poor Botox: I haven’t been to Africa… Asia… I haven’t gone to In­dia or Rus­sia… The Mid­dle East… Uh… I’ve been to Eu­rope a lot.
Friend: Where in Eu­rope?
Ag­ing woman with poor Botox: The Ba­hamas.

–Bleu, 187th & Fort Wash­ing­ton

Over­heard by: RyanK

She Should’ve Asked “How Many Gen­tle­men Have Been Hurt by a Man Dressed As a La­dy?”

Teenage boy: So I went to a Cher con­cert…
Teenage girl: What?
Teenage boy: Cher.
Teenage girl: Cher?
Teenage boy: Cher. The singer.
Teenage girl: Who?
Teenage boy: You don’t know Cher? Damn, girl, you have no his­to­ry. You have no child­hood. (pause) So I went to a Cher con­cert. And she came out and looked all hot. “How many of you ladies have been hurt by a man?” (im­i­tates the roar of the crowd) “Aaaaaaah­h­hh!” She cock-blocked the whole place.

–6 Train

You Cheeky Wednes­day One-Lin­ers!

Girl to room­mate, af­ter dog-sit­ting: I’m sad… I don’t have any­one to stick their wet nose in my tushy.

–96th St & West End

Guy dressed as San­ta: I just need my butt to evap­o­rate.

–6th Ave & Wa­ver­ly

Old­er black dude to an­oth­er: She know I ain’t go fuck with her, as big as her ass is.

–10th Ave & 28th St

Over­heard by: julie

Frus­trat­ed tall boy: Does it look like I have an ass? No! It does not!

–Bard High School, Queens

Over­heard by: Sun­ny Lawrence