Girl to guy: By the way, I threw away your underwear. I hope you don’t mind?
Guy: Nah, it’s probably better.
–Williamsburg
Archive for 2010
If You’re Intimating That They Smell Like Hairy Vagina, You Are Correct.
Young gay man: These two girls I live with don’t shower.
Older gay man: Ugh! That’s so Bushwick.
–Starbucks, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Natty
Stupid Incest Taboo
Guy #1: Oh is that the girl you fucking?
Guy #2: No, that’s my niece.
Guy #1: Oh, too bad.
–6 Train
Overheard by: MJ
As Punishment, I Had to Watch The Secret Life Of Bees
Girl to friend: When I was in 4th grade my teacher made me take the butterflies home to let them grow. What happened? They fucking died! I came back to school and looked like an idiot because I was the only black girl in my class. Leave it to the damn black girl to kill the butterflies and ruin it for the whole class!
–52nd St
The Church Has Always Been Ambivalent About the Natural World
Foreign tourist to security guard: Excuse me, where is Central Park?
St. Patrick’s security guard: Central Park? Ooooh, that’s like up at 110th Street. You’re real far…
–St. Patrick’s Cathedral
Mom’s Kind Of a Flake
Mother: Ouch! Billy, you bit me on my eczema!
Billy: Sorry, mom.
–42nd & 8th
Wednesday One-Liners See New York With Fresh Eyes
Tourist to another, looking at Ellis Island: Look, there is Alcatraz!
–Staten Island Ferry
Little tourist girl to dad: Why are there so many brown people in this city?
–Lexington & 59th St
Tourist: We have made it to the center of the earth!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Lance Torres
Tourist: Wow! Times Square is really busy tonight.
–Times Square
Overheard by: erkala
Teenage tourist: Soooo… It’s like a little bus… On rails… That goes in a tunnel?
–42nd & 7th
First Of All, It’s Fiji…
Janitor, looking at bathroom floor: Oh, I don’t need this! Look at this water all over the floor! All over the place! Why don’t you clean your pussy at home? Pour Evian all over the floor so you can clean your pussy – clean your dirty pussy at home! I don’t need this! Water all over the floor!
–Bathroom, Port Authority Bus Terminal
The Harlem Girls’ Theater Troupe Stars in The Legend Of Sleepy Holla
10-year-old girl, looking at jack‑o’-lantern: Look at Mr Pumpkinhead!
8‑year-old girl: It’s rude to call someone “pumpkinhead.“
10-year-old girl: It’s not rude, he ain’t got no legs!
8‑year-old girl, singing to herself: Touch my money, I’ll break your face…
–Pathmark, 145th St
Since the Espressopation Proclamation
Female barista to another: Stay away, he’s my customer.
Guy: You can’t, like, own a customer, dude.
–Starbucks, East Village
Overheard by: Senseful
