Archive for 2010

If Pinoc­chio Had Been Set in New York City

(crick­et chirps)
An­gry-look­ing woman #1: Yo, I think that crick­et said some­thin’
(crick­et chirps)
An­gry-look­ing woman #2: Hold on, I think that bitch is sayin’ some shit!
An­gry-look­ing woman #1, look­ing for crick­et: You wan­na start some­thin? No­body be talk­ing shit about me.
An­gry-look­ing woman #2: Let’s fuck this bitch up.

–Roo­sevelt Is­land

The Anal Rape You Can Still Be Up­set About– Deal?

Crazy guy run­ning up to ran­dom stu­dent: I go to this guy for those peanuts they sell on the side of the street, I say “how much?” He tells me $1.50, so I start walk­ing away, and he says one dol­lar. I went to state pen for ten years, and this is how I get treat­ed?
Stu­dent: It’s just peanuts man, you got­ta let it go.

–59th St & Lex­ing­ton

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers In­volve a Lot Of Con­cen­tra­tion

Film Nazi: The Holo­caust did give us some good movies.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Tom and Katie

Suit on cell : And they were play­ing loud Nazi mu­sic.

–Lin­coln Cen­ter

Hip dude on cell, very ca­su­al­ly: Sieg heil, my friend, sieg heil.

–Queens.

Girl: If it’s about the Holo­caust, it’s go­ing to get me hard… Not where I was go­ing with that.

–55th & 3rd

Over­heard by: seeareuh

Who’s a Good Wednes­day One-Lin­er? You Are!

Se­ri­ous man to dog: I am very dis­ap­point­ed in you. I ex­pect more of you than that.

–Car­roll Gar­dens

Over­heard by: Sun­ny

Woman to poop­ing Jack Rus­sell ter­ri­er: Don’t even pay at­ten­tion to all those peo­ple who are look­ing at you. They all poop too. Every­body poops!

–Uni­ver­si­ty & 9th

Lit­tle girl, an­gri­ly to her dog for go­ing at a mur­al: You just peed on Barack Oba­ma!

–East Vil­lage

Over­heard by: Z

Woman to dog: No, we can’t go in there; that’s an evil pet store.

–50th & 9th

Over­heard by: Na­tal­ie

Woman to her dog: You know, there are a lot of crazy peo­ple in the world. That’s why I trust your opin­ion so much.

–Tomp­kins Square Park

Over­heard by: Jessie