Guy: Okay: he’s bad, but he’s not that bad.
Girl: No, seriously! He’s like Miley fucking Cyrus. Fucking annoying, way too into himself, and everywhere. He is the Party in the USA.
Guy: Dude!
–4th Ave & 9th St
Archive for 2010
Your Editors Hadn’t.
Teacher #1: Any other food rules I should know?
Teacher #2: Don’t eat bay leaves.
Teacher #3: “Babies”?
Teachers #1 and #2: Bay leaves.
Teacher #3: Oh. I thought you said “don’t eat babies.“
Teacher #1: Have you read The Road?
–Middle School
Dad Did All the Crying
Nine-year-old girl #1: My mom says that she was in so much pain giving birth to me that they had to give her surgery. My head was too big.
Nine-year-old girl #2: Your head is not big!
Nine-year-old girl #1: Yeah, but when I was a baby it was huge.
Nine-year-old girl #2: Weird. Did you have some sort of disease?
Nine-year-old girl #1: No, but when I came out I wasn’t crying, I was twirling my hair.
–Mannes College of Music
And Give Up My A‑Cup Bra?
20-something college girl: So then they started to call me “zitty-titties”!
Friend: I told you to pop those!
–NYU
Overheard by: That’s embarrassing
Like Drinking a Bootful Of Warm Spit
Automated conductor: This is 30th Avenue. The next stop is Astoria Boulevard.
Guy exiting train: More like Astoria bore-levard.
(stranger nearby snickers)
Guy: Am I right? C’mon lady, I just changed your life with that statement.
–N Train
Mumbling in Public Like That
Woman: I gave you my heart and you shitted on me!
Man: (mumbles almost inaudibly)
Woman: Come upstairs and stop causing a scene!
–Stoop, Ridgewood
Overheard by: Um…
Wendy’s Bipolar Puberty Should Be Entertaining
Six-year-old girl, holding hands with her mom: It feels like we are going the wrong way.
Mother: I think we are going the right way.
Six-year-old girl: Yeah, it also feels like we are going the right way, at the same time. That’s weird! (giggles) Sometimes, I feel sad and happy at the same time. Isn’t that weird? (more giggles)
Mother: That’s not weird, honey. Mommy often feels happy and sad; that’s why I need my afternoon nap every day.
Six-year-old girl: I only want to be happy, mom.
Mother: Me too…
–6th Ave & 4th St
Overheard by: Brett
I’m Wet and I Feel Guilty About It
Woman #1: It smells like church in here.
Woman #2: It really does!
–Elevator, Varick St
This Is My Last Date Through EHorrormony
Girl leaving apartment: Are you fucking for real? A gas mask!?
Guy, following: What do you mean?
Girl: You think I’m going to have sex with you after that?!
Guy: Huh… I still don’t get it?
Girl: If you don’t get how a gas mask and sword don’t work, I can’t help you!
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: Smokey
That’s Cold.
Younger pharmacy clerk: I’m cold.
Older pharmacy clerk: That’s your problem.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Dave
