Suit #1, holding multiple cups of coffee: Dude, this is so weird, you have my dogs, I have your coffee! How’d this happen?
Suit #2, emerging from taxi: Here’s your greyhounds. (hands leashes)

–77th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Sadie

Angry preteen to friend: And third of all: eat dick, Elijah!
Elijah: Shut up! I don’t eat dick!

–Broadway & 10th St

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Woman: Wow, I can’t tell you the last time I was north of 40th street.
Man: Yeah, it’s gotten to where if I go above 14th street, I get nosebleeds.

–47th & 7th Ave

Tired-looking dad on cell: Gotta get the coffee, gotta get the heroin…
Little boy: Daddy, what’s heroin?
Tired-looking dad: Um, a heroin is a person that the hero saves.
Mexican sitting next to him: Hijo de puta.

–6 Train

Overheard by: vicki

Rapper: You girls into hip-hop? (tourist girls look indifferent, he turns to pregnant girl) I know she is… She’s six months pregnant!

–39th & Broadway

Suit #1: How was your vacation in Italy?
Suit #2: Great, have you been?
Suit #1: No, never been out of the country… Well, just to Mexico.
Suit #2: Yeah, that doesn’t count, it’s like going to one of our neighborhoods here…

–4 Train

Bewildered old man to docent outside “duality of light” show: Toilets? Are these the toilets?
Docent: No, this is an art exhibit.

–Alice Tully Hall Lobby

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Boy #1: She’s black with blue eyes!
Boy #2: Are they real?
Boy #1: Yeah.
Boy #2: But… Is it awkward? Like, is she slave black?
Boy #1: What do you mean “slave black”? She’s copper brown. She’s caliente…

–Q88 Bus

Thugette: That bag is so ghetto!
Thug: No, that bag is not ghetto. Ghetto is a noun, not an adjective. That bag is from the ghetto!

–Metro-North Rail

Overheard by: Stefanie

Older woman, watching painting: She is ugly. She has a really ugly face. Look at her forehead!
Older man: Yeah, she’s pretty ugly.
Older woman: But wow! She has great tits!
Older man: But they’re pointing the wrong way!

–Museum of Modern Art