Girl #1: You don’t like him.
Girl #2: You don’t even like him – and you date him!
–New York Law School
Girl #1: You don’t like him.
Girl #2: You don’t even like him – and you date him!
–New York Law School
Automated announcement: Bus operators are protected by New York state law. Assaulting a bus operator is a felony.
Guy sitting behind bus operator, loud: Hooray!
Bus operator: Scaring me is a misdemeanor.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Robert
Teenager #1: Aw, that guy was so cute! He’d better be there when I go return my skates.
Teenager #2: You should find out his number or something.
Teenager #1: Nah, that’s too awkward.
Teenager #2: Just ask his name from one of the other workers, and say you wanna report him to the manager… But then really just stalk him on Facebook!
–Ice Skating Rink, Bryant Park
Overheard by: lol
30-something on cell: What can I say, the only thing that I can commit to is Percocet.
–63rd & Amsterdam Ave
Suit: Yeah, I didn’t even take any Adderall this morning, and I feel fine!
–Wall Street
Girl, casually: I took a few too many Xanax earlier and now I feel like I’m driving my body…
–Cooper Union Foundation Building
Girl on phone: Fine, sniff your lavender, but I still think pills are better.
–52nd & 10th
Overheard by: krysta
Girl: I would totally eat the shit out of a cupcake!
–St. Mark’s Place
Mom to little boy crying after dropping popsicle: I’m not buying you another one!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Katherine
Thin blonde girl: I love food. I wish I could make love to this cookie…
–NYU
Very hot girl in expensive outfit to guy walking away: Oh, so looking at candy and toys is more important than my need to go to the bathroom?
–82nd & Central Park West
Pimp to player across the street: Yo! Stay over there, this side’s for pimps and that side’s for players. I’m a pimp. Lemme show you that pimp walk! (starts walking down the street, gets to player) How you like that, playa? That’s how we do it, pimp style.
–115th & 7th, Harlem
Overheard by: beeloo
Female college student: Valentine’s Day? Girl, pimps don’t do Valentine’s.
–1 Train
Girl on cell: I feel like a pimp, I say hi to everybody.
–86th & 4th, Brooklyn
Elderly man to even more elderly man: I’m gonna pimp-slap you right down on the street!
–Times Square
Midwestern tourist woman walking into trashy store: I hope this isn’t a porn shop!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jingles
30-something woman on cell: I’m not bringing the baby to the porn convention!
–Hilton Theater
Man on phone: Did you say “corn” or “porn”?
–Onion News Network
Overheard by: Kaze
Man to wife: Don’t worry, I don’t need to upgrade. That’s what porn is for!
–40th & Broadway
Overheard by: mel
Catholic schoolgirls coming out of subway station, in unison: All those nuns care about is fucking us!
–Canal & Varick
Girl on phone, mocking tone: Oh, he’s at church, huh? I don’t know why he goes to church, he’s going to hell anyway, ain’t no room for a Blood in heaven!
–BedStuy
Woman: I wanted to raise them Quaker; I just never got around to it.
–The Village
Overheard by: Aaron
Old lady: Well, she’s a bitch to say she’s religious!
–Madison Ave
Young female 20-something to another: Don’t you ever learn anything? You can’t sleep with your boss!
–42nd & Madison
Overheard by: Eric S
Guy to another, outside Apple store: Well, first you have to find him, then fund him, and then fuck him.
–14th St
Girl on cell: I’ve had really bad first base that turned into really good sex.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Rob Gioia
Woman in too-tight business suit, screaming into cell: Listen, buddy, I can always find another fuck buddy!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Nunez
Business casual 30-something #1: What is this, a halfway house?
Business casual 30-something #2: No, man, that’s Chipotle.
–St. Mark’s
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist