Archive for February, 2011

How the Little Red Riding Hood Tale Is Told in Brooklyn

Young slacker: I lost my grandmother today.
Young psychotic friend: Oh, don’t worry, she will come back soon, if she has no car.
Young slacker: She’s dead, asshole!
Young psychotic friend: Oh. I’m really sorry, it’s true.
Young slacker: Don’t worry, it was funny.
Young psychotic friend: Okay.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Athanagore Crumb

Ricardo Makes a Splash Wherever He Goes.

Guy sitting on bar stool: What about Titanic? Titanic? Did you like Titanic?
Mexican waiter: Titanic?
Guy sitting on bar stool: Yes, Titanic.
Mexican waiter: I don’t know. I don’t like fish.

–The Flame Diner, 58th & Columbus

Overheard by: Tracy

Just Remember to Grasp the Stem Firmly

Hobo to student with flowers: Hey kid, these are for whom?
Student: For me, actually. They are so pretty.
Hobo: That’s right! Good for you. First: do not give to humans, they suck! Second: to give flowers is like masturbation: it’s better when you give to yourself!

–F Train

The Most Interesting Man in the World Is Pretty Fucking Spoiled

Annoying woman on the subway #1: Is it because of my job that he don’t want to talk to me?
Annoying woman on the subway #2: Yo, you listen to me. It don’t matter if you workin’ the corners way downtown or makin’ some money on some Wall Street shit. He shouldn’t care that you’re an exotic dancer.
Annoying woman on the subway #1: You know what? You’re damn right! I mean, sure he don’t like me showin’ my behind in front of otha men; but his last girl really did work the corners! So he just just shut the fuck up and deal with it.

–1 Train

You Mean, Like, a Gender Reassignment?

Asian 20-something #1: She only dates white guys.
Asian 20-something #2: So?
Asian 20-something #1: They’ve been together for five years!
Asian 20-something #2: So what? She’s ready for a change.

–6 Train

Wednesday Airliners

Mother to young daughter freaking out over some turbulence: Calm down! I’ll let you know when it’s time to start panicking!

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Max

Pilot, making announcement: Thank you for flying American Airlines. It’s been a pleasure having your mom with us today.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Sunny

Flight attendant, giving safety talk: If you are flying with young children, put on your own mask first; if you are flying with two young children, choose the one with the most college potential.

–Baltimore-New York Flight

Overheard by: KingoftheNighttimeSquirrels

Gay guy welcoming passengers on plane: Alright everybody, have a great time, good luck on the bikini contest! (to random woman), Don’t worry, I have faith you’ll win! (to random man) You can be the judge!

–Delta Airline Leaving LaGuardia

Overheard by: taylor

Woman to friend, after airplane dropped slightly: Whoa, all the blood just like, rushed back into my ovaries!

–Entering LaGuardia airport

Overheard by: taylor

Airplane maintenance worker entering jetway, exasperated and surprised: Woah… Uh, oh, wrong plane.

–Laguardia Airport

Overheard by: Afrocurl