Archive for February, 2011

How the Lit­tle Red Rid­ing Hood Tale Is Told in Brook­lyn

Young slack­er: I lost my grand­moth­er to­day.
Young psy­chot­ic friend: Oh, don’t wor­ry, she will come back soon, if she has no car.
Young slack­er: She’s dead, ass­hole!
Young psy­chot­ic friend: Oh. I’m re­al­ly sor­ry, it’s true.
Young slack­er: Don’t wor­ry, it was fun­ny.
Young psy­chot­ic friend: Okay.

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Athanagore Crumb

Ri­car­do Makes a Splash Wher­ev­er He Goes.

Guy sit­ting on bar stool: What about Ti­tan­ic? Ti­tan­ic? Did you like Ti­tan­ic?
Mex­i­can wait­er: Ti­tan­ic?
Guy sit­ting on bar stool: Yes, Ti­tan­ic.
Mex­i­can wait­er: I don’t know. I don’t like fish.

–The Flame Din­er, 58th & Colum­bus

Over­heard by: Tra­cy

Just Re­mem­ber to Grasp the Stem Firm­ly

Hobo to stu­dent with flow­ers: Hey kid, these are for whom?
Stu­dent: For me, ac­tu­al­ly. They are so pret­ty.
Hobo: That’s right! Good for you. First: do not give to hu­mans, they suck! Sec­ond: to give flow­ers is like mas­tur­ba­tion: it’s bet­ter when you give to your­self!

–F Train

The Most In­ter­est­ing Man in the World Is Pret­ty Fuck­ing Spoiled

An­noy­ing woman on the sub­way #1: Is it be­cause of my job that he don’t want to talk to me?
An­noy­ing woman on the sub­way #2: Yo, you lis­ten to me. It don’t mat­ter if you workin’ the cor­ners way down­town or makin’ some mon­ey on some Wall Street shit. He should­n’t care that you’re an ex­ot­ic dancer.
An­noy­ing woman on the sub­way #1: You know what? You’re damn right! I mean, sure he don’t like me showin’ my be­hind in front of otha men; but his last girl re­al­ly did work the cor­ners! So he just just shut the fuck up and deal with it.

–1 Train

You Mean, Like, a Gen­der Re­as­sign­ment?

Asian 20-some­thing #1: She on­ly dates white guys.
Asian 20-some­thing #2: So?
Asian 20-some­thing #1: They’ve been to­geth­er for five years!
Asian 20-some­thing #2: So what? She’s ready for a change.

–6 Train

Wednes­day Air­lin­ers

Moth­er to young daugh­ter freak­ing out over some tur­bu­lence: Calm down! I’ll let you know when it’s time to start pan­ick­ing!

–La­Guardia Air­port

Over­heard by: Max

Pi­lot, mak­ing an­nounce­ment: Thank you for fly­ing Amer­i­can Air­lines. It’s been a plea­sure hav­ing your mom with us to­day.

–JFK Air­port

Over­heard by: Sun­ny

Flight at­ten­dant, giv­ing safe­ty talk: If you are fly­ing with young chil­dren, put on your own mask first; if you are fly­ing with two young chil­dren, choose the one with the most col­lege po­ten­tial.

–Bal­ti­more-New York Flight

Over­heard by: KingoftheNight­timeSquir­rels

Gay guy wel­com­ing pas­sen­gers on plane: Al­right every­body, have a great time, good luck on the biki­ni con­test! (to ran­dom woman), Don’t wor­ry, I have faith you’ll win! (to ran­dom man) You can be the judge!

–Delta Air­line Leav­ing La­Guardia

Over­heard by: tay­lor

Woman to friend, af­ter air­plane dropped slight­ly: Whoa, all the blood just like, rushed back in­to my ovaries!

–En­ter­ing La­Guardia air­port

Over­heard by: tay­lor

Air­plane main­te­nance work­er en­ter­ing jet­way, ex­as­per­at­ed and sur­prised: Woah… Uh, oh, wrong plane.

–La­guardia Air­port

Over­heard by: Afrocurl