Archive for March, 2011

You’re On, My Friend

Extremely loud guy with group of friends: If you feed a chicken some chicken, it’s called forced cannibalism and is technically animal cruelty.
Taller, quieter guy: Why is it animal cruelty?
Extremely loud guy: If a species eats its own species, it will get something called a prion disease. It’s a degenerative brain thing most often, that’s where mad cow disease came from. It’s also why you’re not supposed to eat people. It’s not just because it’d be a dick move, you’d go crazy and probably eat more people. By the way, if you ever kill someone and want to kind of get away with it, eat them. You’ll get off on an insanity plea because of the prion disease.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Jessica


Right Up My Broadway, Sweetie

Hipster theater chick: Seriously, I have like the best vagina of anyone I know. I have the Idina Menzel of vaginas.
Hipster chick’s friend: What does that even mean?
Hipster theater chick: You know Idina Menzel. Big lips, big mouth, sings like she’s having an orgasm. That’s my vagina. It’s called “Idina.“
Hipster chick’s friend: Isn’t she the one who played The Green Witch? So your vagina’s green?
Hipster theater chick: Shut up. It’s not green. It’s the Broadway of vaginas, I tell you!
Hipster chick’s friend: Who names their vagina after a green witch? You’re so fucked up..

–American Airlines Theater

Overheard by: Hannah


Um, Star?

Girl #1: Yeah, the building’s pre-war.
Girl #2, deadpan: Which war?

–Soho


After a Day Of Dealing with Park Slope Kids, We’d Be Snotty Too.

Woman: Excuse me, do you have any Indian princess costumes?
Clerk, with super snotty tone: All of our Native American costumes are over there.
Woman: But do you have any Indian princess costumes?
Clerk: These are all of our Native American costumes.
Woman: You don’t have any Indian costumes?
Clerk: Do you mean Indian from India?
Woman: Yes.
Clerk: Oh. Well, those are over here.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: elainemonkey


Girls from Jersey Should Not Dare Throw Stones.

Coffee shop girl: So where do you live?
Coffee shop guy: Oh… Uh… East…
Coffee shop girl: Don’t you dare say you live in East Williamsburg. You live in fucking Bushwick.

–Hick & Union, Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: i love this girl.


Oh, Leave Renee Zellweger Alone!

Woman boarding bus to the driver: Are you Asian?
Obviously Asian driver, not understanding: No.
Woman: Oh, okay. (gets on)

–FangWah Bus, Chinatown

Overheard by: Aly


Raise Your Hand If You’d Give Them Their Own Reality Show.

Man: Don’t worry about what I’ve got in my pocket, worry about what’s in your pocket. I see you’ve got nothing on your back.
Woman: Betsey Johnson! I got Betsey Johnson on my back! $350 dollar jacket, motherfucker, you were 78th in your high school class, get a GED!

–Douglass Houses


But How Would a Dog Tell the Truth, Anyway?

Young dude #1: What is it they say about sleeping dogs?
Young dude #2: That you should let them lie.
Young dude #1: No, I think it was something else…
Young dude #2: Like what? What else does a sleeping dog *do*?
Young dude #1: Yeah… I can see your point. But what does that saying mean?
Young dude #2: It means: don’t do whatever fucked-up thing you were thinking of doing.

–3 Train


How About a Big Kiss?

Starbucks cashier: Just to let you know, we don’t have any coffee today.
Dude, confused: What do you have?

–Starbucks


…According to Our Family Chore Board.

Dad to whining kids: Kids, you need to lay off the whining. If anyone is going to be whining today, it’s going to be daddy.

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Jennifer, an amused passerby