Archive for March, 2011

…You Understandify What I’m Sayering?

Annoying girl: I want to live by myself in one of those split, condo-ish, house things… You know, it’s like where the house is in two parts right next to each other?
Friend: A duplex.
Annoying girl: Yeah, that’s right; a two-plex.

–Union Square

Overheard by: lisabeth


The Natives Are Rootless

Desperate-sounding tourist, lost in Chinatown: Excuse me, do you know where the subway is?
Girl #1: Er, no, sorry!
Girl #2: Well congratulations, you finally look like a native.
Girl #1: Actually, I think this means I look like a white person who speaks English.

–Bowery & Hester


Is It a Grande or a Venti Baby?

Old woman to pregnant woman walking out of Starbucks, coffee in hand: What is it?
Pregnant woman, looking at her coffee: It’s a grande vanilla skim latte.
Old woman: No, I mean is it a boy or a girl?
Pregnant woman: Oh! I don’t know, actually.
Old woman, disapprovingly: You’re drinking coffee?
Pregnant woman: It’s decaf.
Old woman: Oh, then it’s okay.

–58th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Katie H


A Guy Who Really Loves You Never Comes at All

Guy: I heard that if a guy comes really quick it’s a complement.
Girl: That’s a lie.
Girl sitting on bench, shouting in: Yup, definitely a lie!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Girl on Bench


Wednesday One-Liner Is Still Jenny from the Block

Conductor: This as an uptown 6 train heading to the Bronx, also known as “The Boogy Down.”

–6 Train

Old Jewish retired NYPD man on cell: You want me to come out there to fix that. That’s expensive. (pause) What kinda Jew are you? Oy vey! (pause) Yeah, the Bronx. (pause) That’s dangerous shit, that’s Jennifer Lopez territory.

–Post Office, Williamsburg

Teenage guy to pet owner whose dog has just relieved herself on curb: You gonna pick that up? This ain’t the Bronx, you know.

–33rd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Noah Jenda

Mother to her child: Going to the Bronx zoo isn’t just a natural experience, its a cultural experience.

–Bronx Zoo


Worldly One-Liners

Young suit: I think this is really authentic Italian food, like the kind you find in France.

–Caffe Linda, 49th & Lex

Loud drunk girl: Where the fuck is the train? What is this? Vietnam?!

–PATH

Overheard by: TR

Hippie dude: I’ve come to realize that Australians are all queer. They just like… Don’t fight… And want their moms… And… I can’t explain it, man… I think it has something to do with being sent away from England. I can’t explain it.

–Union Square

Overheard by: K Melv

Girl: Hello, Soviet gulag. How are you today?

–NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Bruce Lee


Ooo, or Maybe They Shipped Pens?

Girl to friend: Why is it called Pennsylvania Station?
Friend: Oh, I think it used to ship a lot of people to Pennsylvania, or something…

–Outside Penn Station