Artist to fan, about to sign his show program: And your name is?
Man’s friend, chiming in: Sissy.
–Art Opening, E 70th St
Archive for April, 2011
This Is Why I Shelled Out 40K a Year for Your Philosophy Degree?
Elderly woman, about man playing chess: There’s a man in there waiting for a partner.
Granddaughter: Aren’t we all?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Ana
Let the Word Go Forth to All Nations
Band member: We’re playing here tonight. Can we put a name on the guest list?
20-something bartender: You don’t have to pay a cover if you’re in the band.
–National Underground, East Hudson Street
Then I Invested It for You and Lost It
Hobo: Spare any change?
Passing man: I gave you a million dollars already.
Hobo: Huh?
Passing man: I gave you a million dollars already!
Hobo: When?
Passing man: A while ago.
Hobo, surprised: Oh.
–91st St & Broadway
One More Witch And We’re the Weird Sisters
Woman, watching two patrons leaving: Can we move over to that spot?
Bartender: Sure… As long as you’re not as weird as those guys were.
Woman: Oh, we will be.
Friend: We aspire to be as weird.
–Angelina’s Pizza Bar
When Rainbows Fuck, Do They Make Skittles?
Guy to friend: I don’t know how to explain it any clearer. There were fucking rainbows everywhere!
Friend: I’m hating where this is going.
–C Train
In Wednesday One-Liner We Trust
Preteen boy, seriously, to preteen guy friend: Trust me. Trust that I know what’s best for you.
–Metro North
Creepy Upper West Side guy: I only trust Asians up to a certain degree, but I trust Charles a lot.
–74th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Young man to another young man: If you’re a bottom, you don’t want it to be a marathon. Trust me.
–8th Ave & 23rd St
Guy behind me: Nah man, I don’t trust him. Plus, he fucks his own mother. That only happens in Tennessee.
–Houston & Ludlow
Overheard by: 1:52 AM
Low-Rise Wednesday One-Liners
Waspy male NYU student in hushed voice: No, mom, I do not want you to send me my man thong!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Sarah
Laughing woman to cop: And then I told him I’d put curry in his underwear!
–TD Bank, 52nd & 3rd
Woman on phone: So you should bring a suit and jacket. (pause) Yes you must bring socks. (pause) I guess underwear is optional.
–E 86th St
Overheard by: comando suit
30-something chick on phone: Jen sent her a burka from Afghanistan and I was like “Yeah, remember this isn’t a kilt–you gotta wear panties under that shit.”
–7 Train
Overheard by: talker’s remorse
Wednesday Doesn’t Want a Whole Bunch Of Little One-Liners Running Around
College girl: Why would I show my condom collection to my mother?
–E 14th St
Guy selling Obama condoms: It’s a election, erection, collection for your protection.
–Times Square
Girl, stopping in the middle of crowded street, yelling into phone: Wait! How much did your NuvaRing cost?
–Outside Grand Central Statioin
Preppie boy to preppie girl: Well, it was really good until the condom broke.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: emily
Girl to boyfriend frantically searching Plan B: Slow down! Geez, we have 72 hours…
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Jules
All the Best-Looking Ones Are Either Wednesdays or One-Liners
Guy on phone: Where is he? What? He’s dead? He died? What? He’s gay? I though you said that he died! Everyone knows he’s gay! Are you crying because he’s gay-gay?
–Q Train
Overheard by: Claire
Girl: She’s so far in the closet she can see Narnia.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
30-something Asian girl to friend: Actually, Mardi Gras is for gays as well, right?
–3rd Ave & 13th St
Male dancer to two female dancers: I feel like I’ve brought down the mood. How about this? I’m gay and you’re fabulous. Is that better?
–13th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Morgan
NYPD officer: I wanna fuck a gay guy.
–Times Square
