Archive for April, 2011

A Tall Drink O’ Wedneday One-Liner

Man on cell: I started Jamba Juice night, and I can end it!

–GMHC Building

Guy on cell: What about poison? Clear poison? Mix a little in her Diet Coke.

–Central Park

Male barista to another: Girrrl, I just had two Red Bulls. Do you see how big my eyes are right now? I’m messed up!

–Starbucks

Fireman leaving Duane Reade holding soda: Don’t buy soda in there, it’s really expensive.

–Broadway & 103rd St

Teenage guy, walking in store with two pet snakes wrapped around his shoulders: I want a snake-a-lotta! (everyone ignores him, and he walks out)

–The Bronx

Just Wait ’til They Learn to Send Pictures.

Teen girl #1: Grandparents should not send text messages. What does that even say?
Teen girl #2, reading message: I’m guessing that word there means ‘vodka.’ Wait, what?

–2nd Ave & 34th Street

Does This Sound Like Your Mother? (It Sounds Like Ours)

Daughter: Everyone else is crossing the street. Why can’t we?
Mother: See that car coming? It’s not going to stop, and all these people are going to get run over and die.

–Broadway & 34th St

Overheard by: the kid that got run over

And the Turban Is Supposed to Be Ironic!

Large black man on Bluetooth to androgynous hipster reading book: Yo! Now don’t you go readin’ about Al Qaeda, man!
Androgynous hipster, removing big headphones: Hmm? Who, me?
Large black man on Bluetooth: Yeah, you. You fucking terrorist, readin’ Al Qaeda.
Androgynous hipster, showing him the cover: What the fuck, dude, this book is about vegetarianism!
Large black man on Bluetooth: Psh. Saaaaaame shit. Same fuckin shit.

–43rd & 8th

Overheard by: Jae Y

Hot Shits Rarely Do

Suit #1: He’s totally on another level, you know what I mean?
Suit #2: You mean he doesn’t give a shit?
Suit #1: Yeah!

–Lexington & 45th St

Overheard by: Laurie

Don’t You Want to Play Let’s You and Him Fight?

Girl #1: I’m saving that seat for my boyfriend. He’s right behind you.
Guy: There’s another seat right there.
Girl #1: But it’s for my boyfriend! Don’t sit there!
Guy: Well, I’m not moving.
Girl #1: I can’t believe you. Move!
Guy: No.
Guy’s girlfriend: He hurt his ankle earlier.
Girl #1: I can’t believe you wouldn’t move.
Guy: Don’t be a bitch.
Girl #1: Real gentlemanly! (to boyfriend) Why didn’t you defend me when he called me a bitch?!
Girl #1’s boyfriend: (silence)

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Alex

It Goes Great with My Stuffing.

Hipster, flapping arms: I make the turkey noise when I ejaculate! I make the turkey noise! Oh-gobble gobble gobble!

–Bushwick & Grand