Middle-aged intoxicated white male #1: You’ve heard of Canal Street, but have you ever heard of Gowanus Canal Street?
Middle-aged intoxicated white male #2: Duh, I’ve lived here twenty years.
–Atlantic Ave & Smith St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mary
Archive for May, 2011
Gosh, You’re Deep.
Girl: It’s so strange. This is nothing like Chicago.
Guy: I know. It’s New York.
–East 6th St & 1st Ave
Gay Men Have No Idea How to Dress Straight
Woman to friend: He wants to wear black pants.
Friend: That’s stupid.
Woman: And a navy jacket.
Friend: No, no, that’s awful. Woman! Oh… okay.
–Chelsea
What Really Happened to Little Michael Jackson.
Child in elevator: I wanna press the button.
Mother: I’ll let you press it on the way down.
Child: No, I wanna do it now! No, I wanna do it now!
Mother: I’m gonna beat the black off you if you don’t shut the fuck up!
Child: (silence)
–Court St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mimic
I Thought That Was, Like, a Sexual Thing?
Guy #1: If I were The Joker my best pick-up line would be “lets put a smile on that face.“
Guy #2: Or “why so serious?“
Guy #3: How about “wanna see me make this pencil disappear?“
Girl #1: Poor Joker… That’s why he wanted to kill everybody.
–N Train
Overheard by: A&Z
This Was the Moment They Fell in Love.
Girl: Do you know how to drive a stick?
Boy: Nah, I learned when I was wasted.
Girl: Me too! Spring break senior year. My friend’s Mustang. Don’t remember…
–Downtown 4 Train
Why Do We Stay Friends With Assholes? Discuss.
Guy smoking a cigarette: I know it’s next to the Starbucks, but I can’t remember which Starbucks.
Friend, expressionlessly: That’s ironic.
–Union Square
Or Could It Be Because the Line at Duane Reade Always Moves So Fucking Slowly?
Customer: No receipt, thanks. (rushes out)
Cashier, to customer’s departing back, mockingly: Oh! I was reading my stupid book on the train and missed my stop, so now I’m late for work!
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Katherine
Um, Isn’t That Your Wife’s Birth Control?
Middle aged black man: I don’t need some pill to make me skeet. You know what I’m sayin?
Slightly older black man: I gots the magic pill. I like makin’ sure I be ready for my bitch!
–51st & Lexington
Overheard by: Waitingforatrain
…With Your Street Smarts
Southern mom, arriving in New York: Okay, everyone put your street smarts on.
Southern teen girl #1: I put my cell phone in my pocket, is that okay?
Southern teen girl #2: No! That’s where the hobos go first! Put it in your sock!
–Train, Penn Station
Overheard by: Lindsey Hogrefe
