Mid­dle-aged in­tox­i­cat­ed white male #1: You’ve heard of Canal Street, but have you ever heard of Gowanus Canal Street?
Mid­dle-aged in­tox­i­cat­ed white male #2: Duh, I’ve lived here twen­ty years.

–At­lantic Ave & Smith St, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Mary

Girl: It’s so strange. This is noth­ing like Chica­go.
Guy: I know. It’s New York.

–East 6th St & 1st Ave

Woman to friend: He wants to wear black pants.
Friend: That’s stu­pid.
Woman: And a navy jack­et.
Friend: No, no, that’s aw­ful. Woman! Oh… okay.

–Chelsea

Child in el­e­va­tor: I wan­na press the but­ton.
Moth­er: I’ll let you press it on the way down.
Child: No, I wan­na do it now! No, I wan­na do it now!
Moth­er: I’m gonna beat the black off you if you don’t shut the fuck up!
Child: (si­lence)

–Court St, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Mim­ic

Guy #1: If I were The Jok­er my best pick-up line would be “lets put a smile on that face.“
Guy #2: Or “why so se­ri­ous?“
Guy #3: How about “wan­na see me make this pen­cil dis­ap­pear?“
Girl #1: Poor Jok­er… That’s why he want­ed to kill every­body.

–N Train

Over­heard by: A&Z

Girl: Do you know how to dri­ve a stick?
Boy: Nah, I learned when I was wast­ed.
Girl: Me too! Spring break se­nior year. My friend’s Mus­tang. Don’t re­mem­ber…

–Down­town 4 Train

Guy smok­ing a cig­a­rette: I know it’s next to the Star­bucks, but I can’t re­mem­ber which Star­bucks.
Friend, ex­pres­sion­less­ly: That’s iron­ic.

–Union Square

Cus­tomer: No re­ceipt, thanks. (rush­es out)
Cashier, to cus­tomer’s de­part­ing back, mock­ing­ly: Oh! I was read­ing my stu­pid book on the train and missed my stop, so now I’m late for work!

–Du­ane Reade

Over­heard by: Kather­ine

Mid­dle aged black man: I don’t need some pill to make me skeet. You know what I’m sayin?
Slight­ly old­er black man: I gots the mag­ic pill. I like makin’ sure I be ready for my bitch!

–51st & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Wait­ing­fo­ra­train

South­ern mom, ar­riv­ing in New York: Okay, every­one put your street smarts on.
South­ern teen girl #1: I put my cell phone in my pock­et, is that okay?
South­ern teen girl #2: No! That’s where the ho­bos go first! Put it in your sock!

–Train, Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Lind­sey Hogrefe