40-something suit: He said he was an anarchist. He refused to pull over for emergency vehicles.

–45^th & Park Ave

Overheard by: Katy

Police officer on megaphone: People, you are in the middle of a road and are blocking traffic. If there is an emergency, nooooboddddy is going to save you.

–57^th & 11^th

Elevator operator: Man, if I had an emergency chute, I would use that shit today.

–168^th St Train Station

Guy rushing out of off-track betting: Hi, Sharon? I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I had an emergency this morning. I’m in the hospital. I’ll call you right back.

–5^th Ave, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: b_clothman

Male student to female student: I went over to her apartment, and she has all reusable, eco-friendly cups… So there I am, drinking out of what seems like a plastic cup, but with permanent lipstick stains! “No,” I said to myself, “No, I am not doing this!”

–St. Mark’s & 4^th St

Greenpeace guy: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you like nature? Where 10 is, like, you wanna live in a tree house, and 1 is like, you want to punch a panda bear in the face?

–Bleecker & Prince

Overheard by: Panda Bear Hater

Teen thug on cell: Yo man, I told you, I don’t fucking litter! I care about the motherfucking environment!

–125^th & Adam Clayton Powell

Overheard by: hell’s kitchenette

Tourist woman: Honey, this plaque talks about global warming as if it’s a fact!

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Tim

Man on cell: Every time I loan you money, you mooch it! (pause) No, that time was different! (pause) Fuck you! I’m coming over right now, I’ll be there in twenty minutes, asshole! (hangs up) Fuck everything!

–40^th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Ally

Young female suit shouting into cell: Well, that’s just the icing on the fuck-cake, isn’t it?

–42^nd & 5^th

50-something woman wearing baseball cap: He fucked me for nine years!

–Central Park

Guy looking at an ad for the King Tut exhibit: King Tut! Fuck you!

–23^rd St & Park Ave

Boy: I need a black Jew in my life.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Guy about to get on train during morning rush hour, in a defeated tone: This is going to be my life? I hate the fucking subway.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Brizzle

20-something girl: I mean, let’s be honest, my biggest accomplishment in the past few weeks is making a profile on Jdate. How do you really think my life is going?

–Westway Diner, 43^rd & 9^th

Girl on cell: Fine, mom! Then I’ll just become a stripper. (pause) No, I won’t get into drugs. (pause) I know, this is what it feels like when life kicks you in the teeth.

–West 4^th & 6^th Ave

Overheard by: Lezbotron

Hot girl: I’ve never seen Josh like this before in my life! I’m about to deck this bitch. I don’t even care if she’s in fucking Ecuador or wherever the fuck she’s from.
Hot ghetto chick: Dora the fuckin Explorer better take backpack and Mr Map and head for the fuckin hills, cuz we goin in!

–Harlem

Overheard by: Monique

Teen boy: How many citizenships can you have? I want to get the Israeli citizenship, but how do I prove it?
Jewish mom: All you have to do is prove that you are Jewish.
Teen boy: How do I prove that?
Jewish mom: I took a picture of your grandma’s headstone when I was in Israel, so that should work.

–L Train

Very drunk NYU girl: Hey! Hey! Fuck you! (laughs uncontrollably)
Security guard: Okay.

–3^rd Ave & 10^th

Frat friend: Instead of apple and honey, what if I rang in the Jewish new year with pot and whiskey?
Asian friend: Why not an apple martini?

–Whole Foods, Houston St

Local dude: Yo, my man, whaz up wit you?
Arab counter guy: I’m fucked up…
Local dude: Why’s dat?
Arab counter guy: I see you, I’m fucked up…

–Pakistani-run Bodega, 57^th & 9^th Ave

Overheard by: anthony recchia

Little kid playing on straps on an old subway car: What are these for?
Friend: Those are the monkey bars!

–Transit Museum