Six-year-old getting on train: But why, mommy?
Middle-aged Asian mother: Because it’s a finite resource, not infinite. There are no infinite resources.

–B Train

Man: Where’s my cologne?
Woman: It’s in the baby’s crib, like always.

–1^st Ave & 12^th St

Overheard by: Ben W.

Older man: Excuse me, but you are just beautiful.
Beautiful, big-buxomed woman: How would you know? You haven’t seen my face yet.

–Mulberry b/w Spring & Prince

Loud New Jersey tourist to group of loud New Jersey friends: Look, (points) it’s the Cooper Union!
Loud New Jersey friends: What’s that?
Loud New Jersey tourist: I dunno, but that’s what it says on the door.

–Cooper Union

Teenage girl #1: It’s not like I’m a cougar!
Teenage girl #2: You’re only fifteen – how could you be a cougar?
Teenage girl #1: I mean, I like older men.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Graceful Space

70-something mother: He got his legs blown off and his arm cut off in the war.
30-something son: Which war?
70-something mother: The last one.
30-something son: Mom, he’s in his late 60s.
70-something mother: So?

–Crossbay Boulevard & 163^rd St

Man, shouting across train platform to women on other side: You on the other train! You going to Woodlawn! Woodlawn’s a man’s asshole!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Going the other way

Overly loud ghetto thug to 10-year-old white boy staring at him: Nigga, whatchu lookin’ up my asshole fo?”

–Bxm10 Express Bus

Overheard by: rectur inspector

Teen girl to friend: I’m not saying she’s an asshole, I’m saying her brother’s a jackoff.

–Newkirk Ave

Young woman: My son is a lot like me. My daughter is a lot like her father: an asshole. She’s an asshole. Does that sound terrible, that I call my two-year-old daughter an asshole?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Woman in the middle of cell phone call, entering crowded elevator: Well, I am leaving work right now, and barring any unforeseen problems, I will be able to take you both ways tonight!

–Elevator, 30 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Michael

Small child holding on to dad’s arm for support on train: I’ll just hold on to your meaty pole.

–Uptown C Train

Overheard by: K

Grandmother to table: I don’t care if it’s big! I just don’t want it shriveled up.

–Buddy’s Deli, Glen Oaks

Overheard by: Howie

Teacher, about flash drive: Why do I have to lie on the floor to get this thing in… Can somebody do it for me please?

–Bronx High School of Science, History Class

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

British student taking picture of statue: I’m going to take it from behind.

–The Met

Father on cell: When I come home, you’re going to be shamwowed.

–4^th st & Ave A

7^th grade Asian girl: My mom hasn’t done laundry in, like, forever. I’m wearing my bathing suit under this.

–Hunter College High School

College girl, out of nowhere: They should really get soap on a rope in prison. I mean, wouldn’t that help people if they are always dropping the soap?

–NJ Transit

Woman on phone: Kids have to be in bed by 9:30, but at 9:00 they must be in hot water, bathing and soaking their penises.

–40^th St & 6^th Ave

Overheard by: Michelle

Older sister: Are you coo-coo for cocoa puffs?
Younger sister, screaming: No!
Older sister, angrily: I asked you, are you coo-coo for cocoa puffs?
Younger sister, screaming louder: No!

–6^th Ave & West 3^rd St