Archive for August, 2011

In­op­er­a­ble One-Lin­ers Of the Wednes­day

Hobo: 72 puls­es in your body, and I’ll hit every one of them with my ar­row.

–Court St, Brook­lyn

Girl, flir­ta­tious­ly to boyfriend: Your wrists are so tiny!

–Broad­way & 14th

Over­heard by: Sep10ber

20-some­thing woman on phone: Oh, god! My ovaries are killing me!

–4 Train

Woman on cell: You got­s­ta yell, this ear is bad. (now yelling) Yell! This ear is bad! (a minute lat­er) Shut up! Don’t talk to me like that… Quit yellin! I could­n’t hear you!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: rick

Some Clothes-Mind­ed Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Skin­ny white girl: Yeah, well, you know me. If I dress too chic, I look like a dv vic­tim.

–Coop­er square

Over­heard by: Lynne

Guy to friend: You got any jump­suits on ya?

–27th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Kel­ly

Girl in black jeans: No one here is wear­ing jeans. Jeans are so spring 2012.

–W 24th, Hast­ed Hunt Kraeut­ler Gallery

Large, styl­ish black man on cell: Uh, huh, uh, huh… Well, just throw on some skin­ny jeans and get all up in that mutha­fuc­ka.

–Ba­nana Re­pub­lic

Over­heard by: Gretchen

Woman on cell: Look, I’ve al­ready bought the socks. There’s no go­ing back.

–103rd & Broad­way

iWednes­day One-Lin­ers

Mid­dle aged DVD au­dio en­thu­si­ast to un­in­ter­est­ed first date: Light up but­tons, voice com­mands, giz­mos like that… kin­da get me off!


Young 20-some­thing male to friend: Thus, ren­der­ing com­put­ers ob­so­lete.

–Green­wich & Har­ri­son

Over­heard by: hn­gry­Davy

Guy on cell: Well, the thing about com­put­ers, right, is you could see a com­put­er be­com­ing con­scious…

–70th & Broad­way

Young suit on phone: I know those were heady times, it was a pre-iPhone world.

–Riv­ing­ton & Allen

Over­heard by: ten­nesee­jed

La­dy to guy friends: Tech­nol­o­gy is awe­some! Let’s do this! Let’s do this!

–64th & Cen­tral Park West

Over­heard by: Ph­Dre

And God Gave the Man Do­min­ion Over All the Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Skin­ny hip­ster: Well, I on­ly say “am­a­teur taxi­der­mist” be­cause he on­ly takes the an­i­mal apart and freezes it, but he does­n’t ac­tu­al­ly stuff it.


Over­heard by: cu­ri­ous

Man to girl­friend, watch­ing pen­guins frol­ic in wa­ter: Wow, it’s al­most as if they’re birds that can swim.

–Cen­tral Park Zoo, Pen­guin House

20-some­thing to kid: I think saun­ter­ing is some­thing hors­es do, and mo­sey­ing is some­thing that… wal­rus­es do.

–D Train

Hip­ster guy to friend: Now I’m the two tur­tles fuck­ing guy!

–The­atre Dis­trict

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Get In­to Some Tough Scrapes

Young woman on cell: Hey, I got­ta go have an abor­tion… can I call you back in, like, 45 min­utes?

–Hous­ton & Lafayette

Over­heard by: Miguel

Guy on cell: Yeah, I got laid off last week and now my girl­friend won’t get an abor­tion. (pause) She wants to have the fuck­ing kid. (pause) I have no idea what she is think­ing, but I re­al­ly don’t want to be a part of it.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Josh

Old white man, try­ing to walk through over­crowd­ed sta­tion: This is why we need more abor­tions!

–Hunter Col­lege

Store man­ag­er on speak­er: To the par­ents of Tim*, your son is next door in Mike’s Din­er. Your three year old. (slams down mi­cro­phone) This is why there should be abor­tions!

–As­to­ria Key Food

Over­heard by: An­na

Lit­tle girl to her aunt: Mom­my did­n’t take this long the last two times we were here.

–Planned Par­ent­hood Clin­ic

Over­heard by: Hol­ly Go­light­ly

…How Cute Am I Now, Bitch?

Gang­ster chess play­er: You’re cute, but let’s see how smart you are.
30-some­thing ca­reer woman: I’d play you, but I’m on a lunch break from my job. Check­mate.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Bar­di­va

An Asian Rap­per?

50-some­thing woman: Mm­m­mm! Kim­cheee!
20-some­thing boyfriend: Huh? What’s that?

–114th St & Broad­way

Mom­my’s Hap­py Time

Lit­tle boy, point­ing to tam­pons and pads: Mom­my, what are those things?
Moth­er: Those are for when mom­my is­n’t hav­ing a ba­by and she’s bleed­ing.

–Du­ane Reade

Over­heard by: Prob­a­bly Hit­ting On You