Archive for August, 2011

Inoperable One-Liners Of the Wednesday

Hobo: 72 pulses in your body, and I'll hit every one of them with my arrow.

–Court St, Brooklyn

Girl, flirtatiously to boyfriend: Your wrists are so tiny!

–Broadway & 14th

Overheard by: Sep10ber

20-something woman on phone: Oh, god! My ovaries are killing me!

–4 Train

Woman on cell: You gotsta yell, this ear is bad. (now yelling) Yell! This ear is bad! (a minute later) Shut up! Don't talk to me like that… Quit yellin! I couldn't hear you!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: rick

Some Clothes-Minded Wednesday One-Liners

Skinny white girl: Yeah, well, you know me. If I dress too chic, I look like a dv victim.

–Cooper square

Overheard by: Lynne

Guy to friend: You got any jumpsuits on ya?

–27th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kelly

Girl in black jeans: No one here is wearing jeans. Jeans are so spring 2012.

–W 24th, Hasted Hunt Kraeutler Gallery

Large, stylish black man on cell: Uh, huh, uh, huh… Well, just throw on some skinny jeans and get all up in that muthafucka.

–Banana Republic

Overheard by: Gretchen

Woman on cell: Look, I've already bought the socks. There's no going back.

–103rd & Broadway

iWednesday One-Liners

Middle aged DVD audio enthusiast to uninterested first date: Light up buttons, voice commands, gizmos like that… kinda get me off!

–LIRR

Young 20-something male to friend: Thus, rendering computers obsolete.

–Greenwich & Harrison

Overheard by: hngryDavy

Guy on cell: Well, the thing about computers, right, is you could see a computer becoming conscious…

–70th & Broadway

Young suit on phone: I know those were heady times, it was a pre-iPhone world.

–Rivington & Allen

Overheard by: tenneseejed

Lady to guy friends: Technology is awesome! Let's do this! Let's do this!

–64th & Central Park West

Overheard by: PhDre

And God Gave the Man Dominion Over All the Wednesday One-Liners

Skinny hipster: Well, I only say "amateur taxidermist" because he only takes the animal apart and freezes it, but he doesn't actually stuff it.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: curious

Man to girlfriend, watching penguins frolic in water: Wow, it's almost as if they're birds that can swim.

–Central Park Zoo, Penguin House

20-something to kid: I think sauntering is something horses do, and moseying is something that… walruses do.

–D Train

Hipster guy to friend: Now I'm the two turtles fucking guy!

–Theatre District

Wednesday One-Liners Get Into Some Tough Scrapes

Young woman on cell: Hey, I gotta go have an abortion… can I call you back in, like, 45 minutes?

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: Miguel

Guy on cell: Yeah, I got laid off last week and now my girlfriend won't get an abortion. (pause) She wants to have the fucking kid. (pause) I have no idea what she is thinking, but I really don't want to be a part of it.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Josh

Old white man, trying to walk through overcrowded station: This is why we need more abortions!

–Hunter College

Store manager on speaker: To the parents of Tim*, your son is next door in Mike's Diner. Your three year old. (slams down microphone) This is why there should be abortions!

–Astoria Key Food

Overheard by: Anna

Little girl to her aunt: Mommy didn't take this long the last two times we were here.

–Planned Parenthood Clinic

Overheard by: Holly Golightly

…How Cute Am I Now, Bitch?

Gangster chess player: You're cute, but let's see how smart you are.
30-something career woman: I'd play you, but I'm on a lunch break from my job. Checkmate.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Bardiva

An Asian Rapper?

50-something woman: Mmmmm! Kimcheee!
20-something boyfriend: Huh? What's that?

–114th St & Broadway

Mommy's Happy Time

Little boy, pointing to tampons and pads: Mommy, what are those things?
Mother: Those are for when mommy isn't having a baby and she's bleeding.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Probably Hitting On You