Archive for September, 2011

Heh. Who Names Their Kid “Carol”?

Dad: This is such a wide street.
Smart-ass teenage daughter: That’s why they call it Broadway!
Dad: Shut up, Carol.

–49th & 7th

Overheard by: Adam


During or After?

Guy #1: I just ran a 5k…
Guy #2, to girl: How many guys have you blown that have ran a marathon?

–51st & 2nd

Overheard by: Aaron


Speaking Of Funny, Did I Mention That My Period’s Late?

Hip girl sitting on bench: Look at that sign he has! (points at a man carrying a “$1 for a joke” sign) I wonder if he has good jokes?
Hip boyfriend: What if he just said “Joke’s on you for giving me a dollar”? That’d be so funny!

–Central Park


She’s Inspired Me to Go Back to Bed

Woman to man, watching woman pace up and down, clapping hands in front of Baptist church: What does she think she’s doing? Man, that lady’s got issues.
Man: And so early in the morning, too!

–188th St & Fordham Rd

Overheard by: Eternal Student


Gorilla: Fucking Bronx

Little boy: Hey, gorilla! I have two words for you – soap.
Dad: That’s one word.

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Melissa


Wednesday One-Lions and Tigers and Bears– Oh My!

Giant guy on cell: Yeah, so then I had to undress in front of the biggest goddamn spider in the world. I swear it was judging my dick. (pause) You think my wife’ll be pissed?

–Outside Central Park Precinct

Man on cell: Have the camels gone under the mountain?

–45th & 6th

Chatty woman tourist: Well, we see ants all the time… at our hotel!

–Ant Exhibit, Rain Forest, Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Woman, about going to Africa: We’ll take the dogs with us and feed them to the lions.

–1250 Broadway

High school girl: I used to think Easter was because a bunny ate a rabbit.

–Seasonal Aisle, Rite Aid


How Many Wednesday One-Liners in a Gallon?

Respectable-looking father to very young daughter: I drink it all the time… I love Four Loko, shit gets you fucked up.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Jaz

50-something suit: If I need a break from alcohol, I drink water. And by water I mean beer. And by beer I mean whiskey. And by whiskey I mean vodka.

–9th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Keith

Man, eating: You know, I don’t really like to drink water… I mean, it’s okay.

–Chinatown

Thug: Yo, does anyone have any water? I got mad Loko on my hands and mad Loko on my shoes.

–Central Park, The Ramble

Young girl walking really fast: I know he’s gay! But he’s open to artificial insemination or copious amounts of vodka.

–39th St & 6th Ave


Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Want No Scrub.

Mom to children: Don’t touch the building! This is a very dirty city! You are going to get really, really sick!

–Herald Square

Middle aged Italian guy to lady friend on bench: I have a bidet, a portable one where you flip it on and it goes under you and it cleans you. I don’t like being dirty.

–7th Ave & 9th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jon

Angry middle aged woman: Anne, when you’ve got a minute… I’m covered in grease.

–49th & 7th

Female conductor, over PA system: Do not put your feet on the seats, people! These are seats, not footrests – and you are not the only one who rides this train! You think other passengers wanna sit in the dirt offa your shoes? God, I can’t believe I even hafta be tellin’ you this!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Morning Glory