Guy #1 at bar: Sure, I have a lot of pictures of penises on my computer.
Guy #2: Yeah, so what?
–Carroll St
Archive for September, 2011
You Have to Have Work Experience to Get Work Experience
Girl: You need to know a gypsy to know a gypsy.
–19th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Charlie
Heh. Who Names Their Kid “Carol”?
Dad: This is such a wide street.
Smart-ass teenage daughter: That’s why they call it Broadway!
Dad: Shut up, Carol.
–49th & 7th
Overheard by: Adam
During or After?
Guy #1: I just ran a 5k…
Guy #2, to girl: How many guys have you blown that have ran a marathon?
–51st & 2nd
Overheard by: Aaron
Speaking Of Funny, Did I Mention That My Period’s Late?
Hip girl sitting on bench: Look at that sign he has! (points at a man carrying a “$1 for a joke” sign) I wonder if he has good jokes?
Hip boyfriend: What if he just said “Joke’s on you for giving me a dollar”? That’d be so funny!
–Central Park
She’s Inspired Me to Go Back to Bed
Woman to man, watching woman pace up and down, clapping hands in front of Baptist church: What does she think she’s doing? Man, that lady’s got issues.
Man: And so early in the morning, too!
–188th St & Fordham Rd
Overheard by: Eternal Student
Gorilla: Fucking Bronx
Little boy: Hey, gorilla! I have two words for you – soap.
Dad: That’s one word.
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Melissa
Wednesday One-Lions and Tigers and Bears– Oh My!
Giant guy on cell: Yeah, so then I had to undress in front of the biggest goddamn spider in the world. I swear it was judging my dick. (pause) You think my wife’ll be pissed?
–Outside Central Park Precinct
Man on cell: Have the camels gone under the mountain?
–45th & 6th
Chatty woman tourist: Well, we see ants all the time… at our hotel!
–Ant Exhibit, Rain Forest, Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Woman, about going to Africa: We’ll take the dogs with us and feed them to the lions.
–1250 Broadway
High school girl: I used to think Easter was because a bunny ate a rabbit.
–Seasonal Aisle, Rite Aid
How Many Wednesday One-Liners in a Gallon?
Respectable-looking father to very young daughter: I drink it all the time… I love Four Loko, shit gets you fucked up.
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Jaz
50-something suit: If I need a break from alcohol, I drink water. And by water I mean beer. And by beer I mean whiskey. And by whiskey I mean vodka.
–9th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Keith
Man, eating: You know, I don’t really like to drink water… I mean, it’s okay.
–Chinatown
Thug: Yo, does anyone have any water? I got mad Loko on my hands and mad Loko on my shoes.
–Central Park, The Ramble
Young girl walking really fast: I know he’s gay! But he’s open to artificial insemination or copious amounts of vodka.
–39th St & 6th Ave
Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Want No Scrub.
Mom to children: Don’t touch the building! This is a very dirty city! You are going to get really, really sick!
–Herald Square
Middle aged Italian guy to lady friend on bench: I have a bidet, a portable one where you flip it on and it goes under you and it cleans you. I don’t like being dirty.
–7th Ave & 9th St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jon
Angry middle aged woman: Anne, when you’ve got a minute… I’m covered in grease.
–49th & 7th
Female conductor, over PA system: Do not put your feet on the seats, people! These are seats, not footrests – and you are not the only one who rides this train! You think other passengers wanna sit in the dirt offa your shoes? God, I can’t believe I even hafta be tellin’ you this!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Morning Glory
