Archive for December, 2011

…On the DL

Young girl to woman with dog: I have a cat.
Woman: Oh yeah? What col­or is he?
Young girl, very se­ri­ous­ly: He’s black, but he wants to be a tab­by.

–Down­town C Train

Over­heard by: Emi­ly

And He’s Lick­ing All the Passers­by Be­cause He’s Cre­ative

Gro­cery store em­ploy­ee to boy not let­ting au­to­mat­ic doors close: Hey kid, keep that door closed al­right? There’s AC in here. Those doors are meant to be closed.
Boy’s moth­er: If doors were meant to be closed they would be walls.

–Flat­bush, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Tay­lor Mor­gan

This Gives Us the Chills.

Guy #1: It’s kin­da cold out. Sum­mer is of­fi­cial­ly over.
Guy #2: It’s get­ting cold. I guess it’s time to start look­ing for a girl­friend.
Guy #1: Shit. You’re right.

–7 Train

Over­heard by: ilana b

The U.S. Postal Ser­vice Is Not Much for Think­ing Out­side the Box

Post of­fice clerk: Hi sir, how can I help you?
Span­ish guy: Hi, I want to pick up my pack­age.
Post of­fice clerk: Sir, your pack­age is not here.
Span­ish guy: But I thought I can pick up my pack­age any­where.
Post of­fice clerk: No, your pack­age gets sent to on­ly one post of­fice. It can­not be here or in mul­ti­ple lo­ca­tions.
Span­ish guy: Wait… Aren’t you guys con­nect­ed?
Post of­fice clerk: Next!

–Sheepshead Bay Post Of­fice

Over­heard by: R and C

Oh, Like Lucy Liu Eats Chipo­tle?

Thug #1: Yo, did I ever tell you about that time I met Lucy Liu, my nig­ga?
Thug #2: Nah.
Thug #1: Oh shit, well I was up in Chipo­tle and I turned around and I fuckin’ saw this bad-ass bitch and I turned to my nig­ga and I was like “yo, is that Lucy fuckin Liu up in dis bitch?” and it was, so we was mad cheesin’.

–4 Train

Try It As a Hat

Nor­mal mom, hold­ing di­nosaur shirt: Hon­ey, how about this one?
Hip­ster dad: I don’t know, maybe if peo­ple knew I was wear­ing it iron­i­cal­ly…

–AMNH Di­nos­tore

Over­heard by: Erin

Don’t Dri­ve in New York, Ass­hole

Suit: You’re just do­ing this cause you want at­ten­tion!
Traf­fic cop writ­ing tick­et: And you say­ing this is go­ing to make me stop. (pause) Ri­i­i­igh­ht…

–Broad­way & 28th St