Archive for 2011

…On the DL

Young girl to woman with dog: I have a cat.
Woman: Oh yeah? What color is he?
Young girl, very seriously: He’s black, but he wants to be a tabby.

–Downtown C Train

Overheard by: Emily

And He’s Licking All the Passersby Because He’s Creative

Grocery store employee to boy not letting automatic doors close: Hey kid, keep that door closed alright? There’s AC in here. Those doors are meant to be closed.
Boy’s mother: If doors were meant to be closed they would be walls.

–Flatbush, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Taylor Morgan

This Gives Us the Chills.

Guy #1: It’s kinda cold out. Summer is officially over.
Guy #2: It’s getting cold. I guess it’s time to start looking for a girlfriend.
Guy #1: Shit. You’re right.

–7 Train

Overheard by: ilana b

The U.S. Postal Service Is Not Much for Thinking Outside the Box

Post office clerk: Hi sir, how can I help you?
Spanish guy: Hi, I want to pick up my package.
Post office clerk: Sir, your package is not here.
Spanish guy: But I thought I can pick up my package anywhere.
Post office clerk: No, your package gets sent to only one post office. It cannot be here or in multiple locations.
Spanish guy: Wait… Aren’t you guys connected?
Post office clerk: Next!

–Sheepshead Bay Post Office

Overheard by: R and C

Oh, Like Lucy Liu Eats Chipotle?

Thug #1: Yo, did I ever tell you about that time I met Lucy Liu, my nigga?
Thug #2: Nah.
Thug #1: Oh shit, well I was up in Chipotle and I turned around and I fuckin’ saw this bad-ass bitch and I turned to my nigga and I was like “yo, is that Lucy fuckin Liu up in dis bitch?” and it was, so we was mad cheesin’.

–4 Train

Try It As a Hat

Normal mom, holding dinosaur shirt: Honey, how about this one?
Hipster dad: I don’t know, maybe if people knew I was wearing it ironically…

–AMNH Dinostore

Overheard by: Erin

Don’t Drive in New York, Asshole

Suit: You’re just doing this cause you want attention!
Traffic cop writing ticket: And you saying this is going to make me stop. (pause) Riiiighht…

–Broadway & 28th St

The Prince Updates Sleeping Beauty After Awakening Her With a Kiss

Girl: Hey, look at the guy in the poster over there. He’s pretty cute. Who is he?
Boy: Are you kidding me? That’s Barack fucking Obama.
Girl: Obama? Who’s that?
Boy: He’s our President!
Girl: He is? Then what happened to Bush?

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: A. E. Stover