Archive for 2011

The Hot Parenting Technique Right Now

Little boy, rooted to the spot in toy section, calling out: Mommy? I can’t move from here and I don’t know where you are!
Mother, calling from next aisle: I’m here!
Little boy, still not moving: I can’t see you!
Mother, coming around corner and leading him off: Honey, we really have to go. We’re very late.
Little boy, loudly: Fine, mommy, I won’t pick out a toy.
Mother, kindly: Do you want a toaster?
Little boy, sulkily: I dunno.
Mother: Because you wanted toast before?
Little boy, agreeably: Okay. Yeah.

–K‑Mart


Translation: He’s Not Jewish

20-something girl #1: He certainly doesn’t love me, but…
20-something girl #2: There is a connection?
20-something girl #1: There is a connection. There is an unusual amount of attraction, an unusual amount of fascination, and an unusual amount of delight…

–West Broadway


How MacGyver Rose from Nothing.

Partially drunk hobo: We’re not hobos, assholes.
Tourist chick: Huh… I’ll give you ten bucks, some paper, some string, and some sharpies if you make a sign that says “I’m a hobo.“
Partially drunk hobo: Deal.

–Central Park

Overheard by: me!


How Charlie Sheen Meets All His “Angels”

Tall blonde: So I feel asleep on the train last week, and in my sleep curled up in a ball, ya know?
Asian guy: Yeah.
Tall blonde: I woke up to this hobo giving me a leg and foot massage.
Asian guy: What!?
Tall blonde: Yeah! He then asked me were I was heading, and if I’d want to go back home with him. I was like, “no!”

–1 Train

Overheard by: Jem


But I’m Totally Writing About It on My College Application.

Preppy girl #1: I know! Can you believe it? I wish I’d been bitten by a fucking dog!
Preppy girl #2: (laughs)
Preppy girl #1: Yeah, it was pretty tragic. We were like… ten when it happened? I guess I was there. I don’t really remember.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Nevin