Archive for 2011

Wednesday One-Liners Out the Wazoo

40-something man on cell: You can’t take a dollar out of my ass and put it into your own ass, you bitch. You can’t! (pause) I’m sorry, you bitch.


Guy to friend: And then I just stuck my fingers in her ass.

–13th St b/w 2nd &nd 1st

40-something to friend: I’m gonna fuck that fuckin’ pussy and put my thumb up in her butthole.

–Central Park

Short balding fat tattooed guy in gym lockers: How the hell did I get glitter up my ass??!!

–New York Sports Club locker room — 59th/Park

Overheard by: jason

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Gym, Tan, Laundry

Woman examining long hair on her chin: I’m gonna pluck this sucker!

–Ikea Cafeteria, Brooklyn

Overheard by: J

Preteen skater boy to preteen skater friends: I don’t want to go to a shitty spa, I want to go to a good spa.

–10th St & Ave A

Overheard by: TeddySmalls

Drunk girl in bathroom to friends: Like, okay, I really can’t be too hungover for tomorrow. I have to get my hair bleached.

–Irish Exit, 52nd & 2nd

Overheard by: alicia

Waxer, waving brightly at departing client: Bye bye! Sorry about the torture!

–Day Spa, 33rd St.

Overheard by: Ladle