Archive for 2011

And God Gave the Man Dominion Over All the Wednesday One-Liners

Skinny hipster: Well, I only say “amateur taxidermist” because he only takes the animal apart and freezes it, but he doesn’t actually stuff it.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: curious

Man to girlfriend, watching penguins frolic in water: Wow, it’s almost as if they’re birds that can swim.

–Central Park Zoo, Penguin House

20-something to kid: I think sauntering is something horses do, and moseying is something that… walruses do.

–D Train

Hipster guy to friend: Now I’m the two turtles fucking guy!

–Theatre District

Wednesday One-Liners Get Into Some Tough Scrapes

Young woman on cell: Hey, I gotta go have an abortion… can I call you back in, like, 45 minutes?

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: Miguel

Guy on cell: Yeah, I got laid off last week and now my girlfriend won’t get an abortion. (pause) She wants to have the fucking kid. (pause) I have no idea what she is thinking, but I really don’t want to be a part of it.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Josh

Old white man, trying to walk through overcrowded station: This is why we need more abortions!

–Hunter College

Store manager on speaker: To the parents of Tim*, your son is next door in Mike’s Diner. Your three year old. (slams down microphone) This is why there should be abortions!

–Astoria Key Food

Overheard by: Anna

Little girl to her aunt: Mommy didn’t take this long the last two times we were here.

–Planned Parenthood Clinic

Overheard by: Holly Golightly

…How Cute Am I Now, Bitch?

Gangster chess player: You’re cute, but let’s see how smart you are.
30-something career woman: I’d play you, but I’m on a lunch break from my job. Checkmate.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Bardiva