Archive for 2011

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Want No Scrub.

Mom to children: Don’t touch the building! This is a very dirty city! You are going to get really, really sick!

–Herald Square

Middle aged Italian guy to lady friend on bench: I have a bidet, a portable one where you flip it on and it goes under you and it cleans you. I don’t like being dirty.

–7th Ave & 9th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jon

Angry middle aged woman: Anne, when you’ve got a minute… I’m covered in grease.

–49th & 7th

Female conductor, over PA system: Do not put your feet on the seats, people! These are seats, not footrests – and you are not the only one who rides this train! You think other passengers wanna sit in the dirt offa your shoes? God, I can’t believe I even hafta be tellin’ you this!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Morning Glory

WednesDEA One-Liners

Woman waiting for bus at 6:30 am: And he had the nerve to say that I was the biggest drug dealer on the Lower East Side. Me! He only saw me do drugs once!

–Broadway & Rutgers St

Middle-aged guy: Come on, let’s go in and check out the first floor at least… This is the place I used to get high at when I was young!

–Limelight Market

Ultra-orthodox Jewish kid to friend: These days I only eat kosher when I’m high.

–42nd St & 5th

Overheard by: Kate

Hot 20-something in mini skirt, on cell: It’s what I was trying to get at the other night: you’re more than just a dealer to me.

–6th Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: gina

20-something on cell: So I was a waiter, but then I started shooting heroin…

–Broadway & 90th St

Cute Latina girl on cell: I jus’ call Antwone’s baby mommy, she flippin’ out, thirty-ass bitch (pause) Yeah, Antwone’s baby mommy… I’m like, “don’t you know your manners, you drug-dealer bitch?”

–Stanton & Clinton