Archive for 2011

Why I Don’t Make Small Talk with Customers: A Parable.

Counter girl: What’s that, a tennis shirt? Do you play tennis?
Dude: No.
Counter girl: Poser!
Dude: Well, actually – this will sound a little pretentious, but this shirt is from the tennis academy in the book “Infinite Jest.”

–Bond & Pacific, Boerum Hill

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Another Dictator Toppled by Joan Rivers’ Acid Tongue

Guy #1, looking at a big police truck: What the fuck do they have inside?
Guy #2, laughing: They are hiding Gaddafi.
Guy #1: In the end, he’s just a cheesy narcissistic ego-maniac… I can’t help but to get him.
Guy #2: He looks like someone who’d be driving a taxi.
Guy #1: What? No! Haven’t you seen the two-hour long fashion retrospective on him?

–West Village

Is This a Plug? Discuss.

Man #1: Can you buy me a hotdog? I’m really hungry.
Man #2: Okay.
Man #1: Can you follow me on twitter, @sleepinginjeans?
Man #2: No.

–Times Square

I Find OB/GYNistan Cuisine Both Exciting and Disgusting

Girl: They opened up an Oosbetistan restaurant by my place.
Guy: (blank stare)
Girl: You know, all the “stans”: Oosbetistan, Takaministan, Armenistan… I actually only know a couple of them.

–42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Renee

Wow, You Really Can Pickle Anything.

Young woman to older man: So, you’ve found Jesus?
Older man: Well, I never really lost him. I put him away for about twenty years, but I always knew where he was.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: eejay

Hell Is Other Virtual People

Student #1: We could stop by and say hi to Claire.
Student #2: I’m not saying hi to Claire. I see her every day on Facebook!

–St. John’s University, Queens

I Mean, Look at the Size Of Her!

Four-year-old girl: Mommy, what is that lady doing?
Mom: Her? She loves New York City Restaurant Week.
Four-year-old girl: But why?
Mom: Because she gets great deals on breakfast lunch and dinner all over the city!
Four-year-old girl, thinking it over: Oh.

–M79 Bus Stop

Overheard by: Michael