Archive for 2011

Our Fin­gers, Our Toes and Our Penis­es!

Con ed guy #1: Ok, so it’s 33 plus 9. What’s that make?
Con ed guy #2: Um­mm… Ah­hh…
Con ed guy #1: Hm­mm… Um­mm… Let’s see…
Con ed guy #2: (shrugs shoul­ders, looks away)
Con ed guy #1: Ah­hh, it’s 42 … I think.

–Grand b/w Broad­way & Cros­by

Over­heard by: Pe­dro

An­geli­na Had Hoped to Get the Item in Ex­change for Fel­la­tio

Teen girl: Hi, can you tell me how much this is?
Cashier: It’s $4.95.
Teen girl: Yeah, but it was in the 30% off bin.
Cashier: It’s 30% off of $4.95.
Teen girl: Can you check how much that would be, though?
Cashier: It’s like a buck and some­thing off.
Teen girl: Oh, uh, okay. (leaves with­out buy­ing item)

–Stat­en Is­land Mall

You Mean “Tall?”

Cus­tomer to barista: Are your bath­rooms open?
Barista: Yeah, there is prob­a­bly some­one in there now, though.
(10 sec­onds lat­er)
Cus­tomer: Are there keys for the bath­room?
Barista: No, there is just some­one in there.
(cus­tomer leaves)
Barista, re­al­ly loud­ly: Man, that guy must have had to take a mas­sive dump!

–Star­bucks 33rd & 5th

Over­heard by: Becky

Stu­pid Dom­i­nant Cul­ture

Dad to young daugh­ter, point­ing at cross­ing sig­nal: See? It’s on­ly safe when you see the white man walk­ing. The col­ored hand is bad.
Young daugh­ter: Col­ored is al­ways bad.

–Riverdale

Over­heard by: …yikes

I Can’t De­cide If I Feel Flat­tered or In­sult­ed

Guy to girl who is seem­ing­ly part of group of girls speak­ing Swedish: Are you Scan­di­na­vian?
Girl: Oh, I’m not with them.
Guy: Oh, I’m sor­ry! I just as­sumed you were with them be­cause you’re blonde.

–L Train

Would You Like to Date Her, for a Fee?

9‑year-old boy: Lee, are you dat­ing my mom?
20-some­thing guy, awk­ward­ly: No! No, I’m not dat­ing your mom.
9‑year-old boy: Well, what­ev­er you are do­ing keeps her hap­py, like she is when she is dat­ing some­one! I know she is not cool any­more, but for a mom she’s fun all-right! (pause) I’m hap­py I got to ask you.
20-some­thing guy, in dis­be­lief: Ehh… Ah…

–22nd St & 2nd Ave