Archive for 2011

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Even Want to Be “Normal”

3rd grader to another: Smoking is weird, but holding hands is fucking disturbing.

–Courtyard, New School

Hipster on cell: Whenever I play the piano I get this overwhelming feeling to go to sleep. It’s weird. Happens most when I play Bach.

–Union Square

Girl to group of friends: Is it weird that I’ve had so many threesomes that it’s normal to me now?

–2nd Ave & 4th St

Gay guy to group of friends at bar: It wasn’t the peeing in his mouth, it was only the fact that I had to continue drinking water, and then it felt weird.

–Williamsburg

Long Island bro to others: Would you rather be raped by Count Chocula or the Lucky Charms guy, the leprechaun… I know that’s a weird question. (awkward pause). Have you ever been tased?

–LIRR

You’re Every Bit As Pretty As Jim Carrey, Sweetie

Girl to friend: God, look at the moon tonight. It’s so bright, like even too bright.
Friend: Yeah, it really is.
Girl: I feel like I’m in The Truman Show. Am I Truman? You would tell, me wouldn’t you?

–SoHo

Overheard by: Lisa

…I Fucking Swallowed

20-something girl beaming about a gift: He went to Jared.
20-something friend: He got you a sandwich?
20-something girl, frowning: Girl, why you so damn stupid?

–Downtown C Train