Archive for 2011

Wednesday One Line-Ups

Teenage girl: I’ve been arrested eight times this year, but I didn’t nothing wrong.

–63rd St & Lexington

Overheard by: Brian

Guy on cell: But how is she on parole again? Every time she gets out on parole she does another felony. I don’t understand it.

–Waverly Place

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Man on public pay phone: No, they own my ass for the next two years. That’s what parole means!

–125th & Madison Ave

Overheard by: areusilly

Thug on cell: I pleaded not guilty to postpone the trial…

–Jay St & Fulton


Wednesday One-Leakers

Stern, fashionable Asian girl on cell: Uhm… Okay, okay, you can come over. (pause) But look, no crying!

–6th St & 1st

20-something girl on cell: I haven’t cried that hard since the first time I saw Armageddon.

–F Train

Hipster: I haven’t seen another guy cry since I was, like, a child, and I hit somebody in the head.

–Bleecker & Cornelia

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Girl on cell: What’s she crying for? It’s not like she got hit with the chair.

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Overheard by: Kevin


Where There’s a Will, There’s a Wednesday One-Liner

Guy to friend: You can’t expect to get away with killing someone when everyone knows who you’s is.

–N Line

Overheard by: Math Fool

Guy: Remember when we found that dead body?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Asizzle

Boyfriend, to girlfriend: Look, the train is coming. You better stop or I’m gonna murder-suicide yo’ ass.

–Uptown 4 Train

Overheard by: Julie

Teenage preppy catholic schoolgirl on pink bedazzled iPhone: Oh, please, like I’m gonna wait for that bitch to roll over and die and hope she wills it to me. I want her Prada, and I want it now. I’m a New Yorker – I know how to get what I want!

–Park Ave & 57th St

Overheard by: Kirsten


Tom Selleck’s Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to gay friend, after conversation about pretty girls in their grade: She’s not ugly, but her mustache is starting to piss me off.

–Nostrand Ave

Overheard by: Jess

Loud woman on cell: I swear, his mustache just fell off!

–Dean & Deluca

Overheard by: Jeggy

10-year-old girl with fake mustache to brother: When you wear the mustache, the mustache possesses you.

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: nefariousfaery

Girl on cell: So I started a mustache blog. (pause) Hold on, I’ll tell you about it in a sec. I’m in Williamsburg and I don’t want anyone to steal my idea.

–Bedford Ave & 3rd St


No Wednesday One-Liner in the Champagne Room

Suit on cell: I could inject her with strippers and blow and she’d still be like, “I’m gonna be an accountant!”

–88th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Jersey Transplant

Guy to friend: And the weird thing was this strip club was attached…

–W 57th St & Park Ave

30-something to another: I cleverly and with much force wore pasties.

–Penn station

Asian mother sitting down, to daughter: Sabina! What did I tell you about going around the pole?

–E Train


Wednesday One-Liners Bring Up the Rear.

Big black man to little Asian man: An ass like that, now that’s healthy.

–45th & 3rd

Overheard by: Jo

Sister to another holding up a pair of shorts: That ass and those hips got no business in there.

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: John

Man on phone: Why do you think I have my tongue up Maurice’s ass?

–Starbucks, 110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jon Edelman

First grader to mother, about classmates: I don’t know what this means, but they said they like my butt. 

–Chambers St


Wednesday One-Liners Bring Up the Rear.

Big black man to little Asian man: An ass like that, now that’s healthy.

–45th & 3rd

Overheard by: Jo

Sister to another holding up a pair of shorts: That ass and those hips got no business in there.

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: John

Man on phone: Why do you think I have my tongue up Maurice’s ass?

–Starbucks, 110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jon Edelman

First grader to mother, about classmates: I don’t know what this means, but they said they like my butt. 

–Chambers St