Conductor, exasperated: We have a train directly behind this one. Why you are holding the doors, why?
Overheard by: JBeck
Conductor, after unsuccessfully trying to close doors many times: Okay, listen up people… The subway cannot move if the doors can't close. So take a deep breath, suck it in, and when the doors close you can let it out!
Overheard by: Valerie Leventhal
Conductor: Please, ladies and gentlemen, appeal to your sense of humanity and do not block the doorways.
Conductor to himself, after leaning out and watching people squeeze through doors: You people are killing me.
Overheard by: Adam P. Murphy