Archive for 2011

Bieber + the Stage = Your Height, Sweetie

Teenage girl to friends: Oh my god, guys, oh my god, I saw Justin Bieber last night! I saw Justin Bieber last night! We were in the third row! He winked at me and I died.
Teenage friend: Is he your height or shorter than you?
Teenage girl: He’s my height! No, no, he’s definitely my height!

–27th St & Broadway

It’s the Old How-Jamaica-Love-You Scam

Pretty girl: He told me to listen to Eek-A-Mouse. And, like, I did. But only because I want to fuck him.
Less pretty friend: You need to stop.

–Broadway & 51st St

Now I’m Aroused, but Oddly Disappointed

Bubbly Barnard student: What about that new guy on Glee?
Bubbly’s friend: No. I checked. Not gay.
Bubbly Barnard student: Oh my god. No? He’s straight? No way! I feel like everyone’s gay nowadays.

–Barnard Computer Lab

Overheard by: Samantha

Um, I Meant Nellie Oleson.

Thug kid #1: Yo, I heard Nelly was a part of the Illuminati!
Thug kid #2: Yo, you know that’s just shit they say to bring niggas down!

–1 Train

Overheard by: babylani

What Would Nico Do?

Girl: I really like that song. It reminds me of something The Velvet Underground would do.
Guy: The Velvet Underground can suck my dick.
Girl, offended: Well, you can suck your dick!

–22 & 6th

Overheard by: Can he really?

Fifty Bucks Gets You to the Top Of the Wednesday One-Liner

Tourist mom, pointing towards Empire State Building: I think that’s the Twin Towers.

–32nd & 5th

Drunkish woman, looking at Empire State Building: I mean, the Empire isn’t that nice. It’s just well-lit and very, very tall.

–34th St & 8th Ave

30-year-old on cell: Some tourist fuck was standing on 36th and 5th, looking at the Empire State Building, and he goes, “that’s not that big!” I wanted to punch his fucking face in when he said that. If I wasn’t with my nephew I might have…

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: Dan

Blond lady to husband, at the top of Empire State Building: Wow, this is like the view from our place!

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: Andrea

Brother, Can You Spare a Wednesday One-Liner?

Guy collecting for United Homeless Organization: Please, ladies and gentlemen, give what you can. Ladies and gentlemen, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda…

–Union Square

Angry lady in front of people calling for donations to the Salvation Army: Oh, no, don’t you pull this shit with me!

–Times Square

Black guy manning homeless charity table: Help feed the homeless! (sees hot black chick walking by) Damn, baby!

–Union Square

It’s Not the Size Of the Wednesday — It’s How You One-Liner It.

Guy to friend: He’s like the size of a small child… Standing on the shoulders of another small child.

–2nd Ave & 9th St

Overheard by: Harrison

Black girl to herself, standing alone in front of a bodega: I’m tall, right?

–West Village

Overheard by: erkala

Teen girl to another: And he was fluffy, all of his hugeness was fluffy…

–Union Square

Overheard by: Anna

Six-foot-four guy: It’s not everyday a six-foot-four guy walks into her life.

–8th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation