Archive for 2011

How Will That Help the Les­bian Rate?

Man #1: On new year’s eve, at 1515 Broad­way! That’s where she’s gonna be.
Man #2: You mean she’s gonna drop the ball?
Man #1: She’s gonna be in the ball!
Man #2: You mean they’re gonna put the Snoo­ki in that big ball?
Man #1: Yeah!

–As­to­ria

Over­heard by: Jamie

Bieber + the Stage = Your Height, Sweet­ie

Teenage girl to friends: Oh my god, guys, oh my god, I saw Justin Bieber last night! I saw Justin Bieber last night! We were in the third row! He winked at me and I died.
Teenage friend: Is he your height or short­er than you?
Teenage girl: He’s my height! No, no, he’s def­i­nite­ly my height!

–27th St & Broad­way

It’s the Old How-Ja­maica-Love-You Scam

Pret­ty girl: He told me to lis­ten to Eek-A-Mouse. And, like, I did. But on­ly be­cause I want to fuck him.
Less pret­ty friend: You need to stop.

–Broad­way & 51st St

Now I’m Aroused, but Odd­ly Dis­ap­point­ed

Bub­bly Barnard stu­dent: What about that new guy on Glee?
Bub­bly’s friend: No. I checked. Not gay.
Bub­bly Barnard stu­dent: Oh my god. No? He’s straight? No way! I feel like every­one’s gay nowa­days.

–Barnard Com­put­er Lab

Over­heard by: Saman­tha

Um, I Meant Nel­lie Ole­son.

Thug kid #1: Yo, I heard Nel­ly was a part of the Il­lu­mi­nati!
Thug kid #2: Yo, you know that’s just shit they say to bring nig­gas down!

–1 Train

Over­heard by: baby­lani

What Would Nico Do?

Girl: I re­al­ly like that song. It re­minds me of some­thing The Vel­vet Un­der­ground would do.
Guy: The Vel­vet Un­der­ground can suck my dick.
Girl, of­fend­ed: Well, you can suck your dick!

–22 & 6th

Over­heard by: Can he re­al­ly?

Fifty Bucks Gets You to the Top Of the Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Tourist mom, point­ing to­wards Em­pire State Build­ing: I think that’s the Twin Tow­ers.

–32nd & 5th

Drunk­ish woman, look­ing at Em­pire State Build­ing: I mean, the Em­pire is­n’t that nice. It’s just well-lit and very, very tall.

–34th St & 8th Ave

30-year-old on cell: Some tourist fuck was stand­ing on 36th and 5th, look­ing at the Em­pire State Build­ing, and he goes, “that’s not that big!” I want­ed to punch his fuck­ing face in when he said that. If I was­n’t with my nephew I might have…

–Grand Cen­tral Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Dan

Blond la­dy to hus­band, at the top of Em­pire State Build­ing: Wow, this is like the view from our place!

–Em­pire State Build­ing

Over­heard by: An­drea

Broth­er, Can You Spare a Wednes­day One-Lin­er?

Guy col­lect­ing for Unit­ed Home­less Or­ga­ni­za­tion: Please, ladies and gen­tle­men, give what you can. Ladies and gen­tle­men, blah blah blah, yad­da yad­da yad­da…

–Union Square

An­gry la­dy in front of peo­ple call­ing for do­na­tions to the Sal­va­tion Army: Oh, no, don’t you pull this shit with me!

–Times Square

Black guy man­ning home­less char­i­ty ta­ble: Help feed the home­less! (sees hot black chick walk­ing by) Damn, ba­by!

–Union Square