Archive for 2011

How’d You Know?

Hip­pie chick: Af­ter choir, I’m go­ing down­town for a five rhythms meet­ing.
Sleepy woman: Huh?
Hip­pie chick: Five rhythms. It’s like dance med­i­ta­tion.
Sleepy woman: Free your mind, and the rest will fol­low? That kin­da shit?
Hip­pie chick: Yup. The rhythms are flow­ing, stac­ca­to, lyri­cal, chaos and still­ness.
Sleepy woman: And with your pow­ers com­bined, you make cap­tain plan­et?

–A Train

Girls from Jer­sey Should Not Dare Throw Stones.

Cof­fee shop girl: So where do you live?
Cof­fee shop guy: Oh… Uh… East…
Cof­fee shop girl: Don’t you dare say you live in East Williams­burg. You live in fuck­ing Bush­wick.

–Hick & Union, Car­roll Gar­dens

Over­heard by: i love this girl.

Oh, Leave Re­nee Zell­weger Alone!

Woman board­ing bus to the dri­ver: Are you Asian?
Ob­vi­ous­ly Asian dri­ver, not un­der­stand­ing: No.
Woman: Oh, okay. (gets on)

–Fang­Wah Bus, Chi­na­town

Over­heard by: Aly

Raise Your Hand If You’d Give Them Their Own Re­al­i­ty Show.

Man: Don’t wor­ry about what I’ve got in my pock­et, wor­ry about what’s in your pock­et. I see you’ve got noth­ing on your back.
Woman: Bet­sey John­son! I got Bet­sey John­son on my back! $350 dol­lar jack­et, moth­er­fuck­er, you were 78th in your high school class, get a GED!

–Dou­glass Hous­es

But How Would a Dog Tell the Truth, Any­way?

Young dude #1: What is it they say about sleep­ing dogs?
Young dude #2: That you should let them lie.
Young dude #1: No, I think it was some­thing else…
Young dude #2: Like what? What else does a sleep­ing dog *do*?
Young dude #1: Yeah… I can see your point. But what does that say­ing mean?
Young dude #2: It means: don’t do what­ev­er fucked-up thing you were think­ing of do­ing.

–3 Train

How About a Big Kiss?

Star­bucks cashier: Just to let you know, we don’t have any cof­fee to­day.
Dude, con­fused: What do you have?

–Star­bucks

…Ac­cord­ing to Our Fam­i­ly Chore Board.

Dad to whin­ing kids: Kids, you need to lay off the whin­ing. If any­one is go­ing to be whin­ing to­day, it’s go­ing to be dad­dy.

–Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Jen­nifer, an amused passer­by

…You Un­der­stan­di­fy What I’m Say­er­ing?

An­noy­ing girl: I want to live by my­self in one of those split, con­do-ish, house things… You know, it’s like where the house is in two parts right next to each oth­er?
Friend: A du­plex.
An­noy­ing girl: Yeah, that’s right; a two-plex.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: lis­a­beth

The Na­tives Are Root­less

Des­per­ate-sound­ing tourist, lost in Chi­na­town: Ex­cuse me, do you know where the sub­way is?
Girl #1: Er, no, sor­ry!
Girl #2: Well con­grat­u­la­tions, you fi­nal­ly look like a na­tive.
Girl #1: Ac­tu­al­ly, I think this means I look like a white per­son who speaks Eng­lish.

–Bow­ery & Hes­ter

And Any Num­ber Of Ad­di­tion­al Holes

Goth chick #1: You wan­na go out Fri­day?
Goth chick #2: I ain’t got no mon­ey. Well, I do, but I’m sav­ing up for a tat­too.
Goth chick #1: Oh, you fi­nal­ly got a job?
Goth chick #2: No. But a woman at an in­ter­view told me I should take the rings out of my lip if I want a pro­fes­sion­al job. So I’m gonna. I mean I’m 22 I need to grow up.
Goth chick #1: And the nose ring?
Goth chick #2: No way! I may have to grow up but I still have style.

–F Train

Over­heard by: wig­guynyc