Archive for 2011

A Long Time Ago; Now Fuck Off

Catholic school girl: Oh, I don't go to church, but I believe in god…
Lady on the subway: What do you mean you don't go to church?

–6 Train

Overheard by: kim

Wasn't This a Julia Stiles Movie?

Thug trying to give CD to three white blondes: Hey, do you like rap?
White blonde: Nope.
Thug: I love white people! And I've never shot anyone!
White blonde: Me too!

–Times Square

You're On, My Friend

Extremely loud guy with group of friends: If you feed a chicken some chicken, it's called forced cannibalism and is technically animal cruelty.
Taller, quieter guy: Why is it animal cruelty?
Extremely loud guy: If a species eats its own species, it will get something called a prion disease. It's a degenerative brain thing most often, that's where mad cow disease came from. It's also why you're not supposed to eat people. It's not just because it'd be a dick move, you'd go crazy and probably eat more people. By the way, if you ever kill someone and want to kind of get away with it, eat them. You'll get off on an insanity plea because of the prion disease.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Jessica

Figures That the Chicken Lady Went to Barnard

Barnard girl #1: No, if he gave birth to babies, he's not a man.
Barnard girl #2: Yes he is! He identifies as a man!
Barnard girl #1: I can identify as whatever the hell I want, that doesn't make it true. Watch. I'm a chicken. Poof! See? It didn't work.

–116th St

Overheard by: Barnard Bear

Right Up My Broadway, Sweetie

Hipster theater chick: Seriously, I have like the best vagina of anyone I know. I have the Idina Menzel of vaginas.
Hipster chick's friend: What does that even mean?
Hipster theater chick: You know Idina Menzel. Big lips, big mouth, sings like she's having an orgasm. That's my vagina. It's called “Idina.”
Hipster chick's friend: Isn't she the one who played The Green Witch? So your vagina's green?
Hipster theater chick: Shut up. It's not green. It's the Broadway of vaginas, I tell you!
Hipster chick's friend: Who names their vagina after a green witch? You're so fucked up..

–American Airlines Theater

Overheard by: Hannah

Um, Star?

Girl #1: Yeah, the building's pre-war.
Girl #2, deadpan: Which war?