Archive for 2011

A Long Time Ago; Now Fuck Off

Catholic school girl: Oh, I don’t go to church, but I believe in god…
Lady on the subway: What do you mean you don’t go to church?

–6 Train

Overheard by: kim

Wasn’t This a Julia Stiles Movie?

Thug trying to give CD to three white blondes: Hey, do you like rap?
White blonde: Nope.
Thug: I love white people! And I’ve never shot anyone!
White blonde: Me too!

–Times Square

You’re On, My Friend

Extremely loud guy with group of friends: If you feed a chicken some chicken, it’s called forced cannibalism and is technically animal cruelty.
Taller, quieter guy: Why is it animal cruelty?
Extremely loud guy: If a species eats its own species, it will get something called a prion disease. It’s a degenerative brain thing most often, that’s where mad cow disease came from. It’s also why you’re not supposed to eat people. It’s not just because it’d be a dick move, you’d go crazy and probably eat more people. By the way, if you ever kill someone and want to kind of get away with it, eat them. You’ll get off on an insanity plea because of the prion disease.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Jessica

Right Up My Broadway, Sweetie

Hipster theater chick: Seriously, I have like the best vagina of anyone I know. I have the Idina Menzel of vaginas.
Hipster chick’s friend: What does that even mean?
Hipster theater chick: You know Idina Menzel. Big lips, big mouth, sings like she’s having an orgasm. That’s my vagina. It’s called “Idina.“
Hipster chick’s friend: Isn’t she the one who played The Green Witch? So your vagina’s green?
Hipster theater chick: Shut up. It’s not green. It’s the Broadway of vaginas, I tell you!
Hipster chick’s friend: Who names their vagina after a green witch? You’re so fucked up..

–American Airlines Theater

Overheard by: Hannah

Um, Star?

Girl #1: Yeah, the building’s pre-war.
Girl #2, deadpan: Which war?

–Soho

After a Day Of Dealing with Park Slope Kids, We’d Be Snotty Too.

Woman: Excuse me, do you have any Indian princess costumes?
Clerk, with super snotty tone: All of our Native American costumes are over there.
Woman: But do you have any Indian princess costumes?
Clerk: These are all of our Native American costumes.
Woman: You don’t have any Indian costumes?
Clerk: Do you mean Indian from India?
Woman: Yes.
Clerk: Oh. Well, those are over here.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: elainemonkey