Archive for 2011

…But, Like, the Busy One.

Teenage girl: Ugh, why is it so busy today?
Teenage boy: I know. It’s like… It’s like… It’s like almost as busy as uhh… Uhh… Grand Central station!

–Grand Central Station

And Some Racy Photos Of You.

Girl: Dude, last night I found my mom’s weed stash.
Guy: Nice! Where?
Girl: In her top drawer. Next to all her vibrators.

–Bleecker St

You Bought the Shoes; Now Pay for ’em

Black woman: Nigga, you gonna wait for me?
Black man about twenty paces ahead: Nope.
Black woman, to herself: I can’t believe dis muthafucka. (louder) I’m gonna pop you on yo’ bald-ass head, I swear to my mother.
Black man: Bitch, please!

–Amsterdam & 145th St

Overheard by:

Pop Quiz: What’s Going on Here?

Thugette #1: Oh. It’s cool right now, so we can eat outside.
Thugette #2: Shit, I ain’t eating outside. It’s so cool that it’s cold, in fact.
Thug to bystanding white girl: Yeah, girl. Get yo’ text on.

–112th St & Broadway

I’ve Seen a Flight Attendant Shoot a Man Just to Watch Him Die

Man #1: Hey, you have the JetBlue card!
Man #2: Yeah, I charge everything to it. I get most of my flights for free.
Man #1: I’m a JetBlue airplane mechanic.
Man #2: Really? I love JetBlue. They do everything I ask for in an airline: they get me there alive and on time.
Woman: I work for United. Don’t fly us. We suck.


Overheard by: Big Larry

Like All Great Performers.

LaGuardia student #1: They closed the upper level in Lincoln center off! Can you believe that? They thought we were doing drugs up there or something!
LaGuardia student #2: We were doing drugs up there.
LaGuardia student #1: Oh… right.

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Taylor

(He’s Talking About Her Period!!!)

Asian guy to friend, watching classmate: Stupid kid made his mom late and missed the train.
White guy: It’s not the first time he made her late!

–Downtown N Train

Wednesday Little-One Liners

Woman in coffee shop: I mean, I would love to not spank… my kids. But with Cassius, I just had no choice. He just… he just… there was nothing we could do.

–Grand & Clinton

Conductor, holding seven-year-old’s hand: Attention passengers. Will the female who left her child on the platform please come towards the conductor’s position.

–R Train

Overheard by: Monroe110

Woman to herself: Where the fuck I left my kids at, yo?

–Baseball Park, Bed-Stuy

Man to group of friends: I don’t know much about Battery Park… What I do know is that I can’t find my kids.

–Battery Park

Crackhead: I got six kids, three baby mommas, and another one on the way. I must be doing something right.

–A Train

One-Liners Are Saving Themselves for Wednesday

Guy to tourist girl: Guuuuuurl! You walk like a virgin!

−−40÷40 Club

Overheard by: Jordan

Black man to fat black woman: And that’s why your vagina is tighter than a virgin’s!

–Bowery & Bleeker

Girl walking away from mass pillow fight: I feel like I lost my virginity like, eight times.

–Union Square

Young man to friends, in scholarly tone: In 2011 a virgin is just someone who thinks they haven’t had sex.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Blind Girl On Train

Woman complaining to guy: The bastard wouldn’t even take my virginity, it’s the least he could do!

–21st & 6th