Teenage girl: Ugh, why is it so busy today?
Teenage boy: I know. It’s like… It’s like… It’s like almost as busy as uhh… Uhh… Grand Central station!
–Grand Central Station
Archive for 2011
And Some Racy Photos Of You.
Girl: Dude, last night I found my mom’s weed stash.
Guy: Nice! Where?
Girl: In her top drawer. Next to all her vibrators.
–Bleecker St
He’s Considering Legally Changing His Name to “What’shisclearface”
Short girl: Did your boyfriend see you at the bar with whatshisface last night?
Tall girl: No, I think he’s in denial. Have you seen what whatshisface looks like lately?
Short girl: Yeah, he looks really good. It looks like he’s been using Accutane and he got a haircut.
–B‑more
You Bought the Shoes; Now Pay for ’em
Black woman: Nigga, you gonna wait for me?
Black man about twenty paces ahead: Nope.
Black woman, to herself: I can’t believe dis muthafucka. (louder) I’m gonna pop you on yo’ bald-ass head, I swear to my mother.
Black man: Bitch, please!
–Amsterdam & 145th St
Overheard by:
Pop Quiz: What’s Going on Here?
Thugette #1: Oh. It’s cool right now, so we can eat outside.
Thugette #2: Shit, I ain’t eating outside. It’s so cool that it’s cold, in fact.
Thug to bystanding white girl: Yeah, girl. Get yo’ text on.
–112th St & Broadway
I’ve Seen a Flight Attendant Shoot a Man Just to Watch Him Die
Man #1: Hey, you have the JetBlue card!
Man #2: Yeah, I charge everything to it. I get most of my flights for free.
Man #1: I’m a JetBlue airplane mechanic.
Man #2: Really? I love JetBlue. They do everything I ask for in an airline: they get me there alive and on time.
Woman: I work for United. Don’t fly us. We suck.
–Jamaica
Overheard by: Big Larry
Like All Great Performers.
LaGuardia student #1: They closed the upper level in Lincoln center off! Can you believe that? They thought we were doing drugs up there or something!
LaGuardia student #2: We were doing drugs up there.
LaGuardia student #1: Oh… right.
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Taylor
(He’s Talking About Her Period!!!)
Asian guy to friend, watching classmate: Stupid kid made his mom late and missed the train.
White guy: It’s not the first time he made her late!
–Downtown N Train
Wednesday Little-One Liners
Woman in coffee shop: I mean, I would love to not spank… my kids. But with Cassius, I just had no choice. He just… he just… there was nothing we could do.
–Grand & Clinton
Conductor, holding seven-year-old’s hand: Attention passengers. Will the female who left her child on the platform please come towards the conductor’s position.
–R Train
Overheard by: Monroe110
Woman to herself: Where the fuck I left my kids at, yo?
–Baseball Park, Bed-Stuy
Man to group of friends: I don’t know much about Battery Park… What I do know is that I can’t find my kids.
–Battery Park
Crackhead: I got six kids, three baby mommas, and another one on the way. I must be doing something right.
–A Train
One-Liners Are Saving Themselves for Wednesday
Guy to tourist girl: Guuuuuurl! You walk like a virgin!
−−40÷40 Club
Overheard by: Jordan
Black man to fat black woman: And that’s why your vagina is tighter than a virgin’s!
–Bowery & Bleeker
Girl walking away from mass pillow fight: I feel like I lost my virginity like, eight times.
–Union Square
Young man to friends, in scholarly tone: In 2011 a virgin is just someone who thinks they haven’t had sex.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Blind Girl On Train
Woman complaining to guy: The bastard wouldn’t even take my virginity, it’s the least he could do!
–21st & 6th
