Archive for 2011

…But, Like, the Busy One.

Teenage girl: Ugh, why is it so busy to­day?
Teenage boy: I know. It’s like… It’s like… It’s like al­most as busy as uhh… Uhh… Grand Cen­tral sta­tion!

–Grand Cen­tral Sta­tion

And Some Racy Pho­tos Of You.

Girl: Dude, last night I found my mom’s weed stash.
Guy: Nice! Where?
Girl: In her top draw­er. Next to all her vi­bra­tors.

–Bleeck­er St

You Bought the Shoes; Now Pay for ’em

Black woman: Nig­ga, you gonna wait for me?
Black man about twen­ty paces ahead: Nope.
Black woman, to her­self: I can’t be­lieve dis mutha­fuc­ka. (loud­er) I’m gonna pop you on yo’ bald-ass head, I swear to my moth­er.
Black man: Bitch, please!

–Am­s­ter­dam & 145th St

Over­heard by:

Pop Quiz: What’s Go­ing on Here?

Thugette #1: Oh. It’s cool right now, so we can eat out­side.
Thugette #2: Shit, I ain’t eat­ing out­side. It’s so cool that it’s cold, in fact.
Thug to by­stand­ing white girl: Yeah, girl. Get yo’ text on.

–112th St & Broad­way

I’ve Seen a Flight At­ten­dant Shoot a Man Just to Watch Him Die

Man #1: Hey, you have the Jet­Blue card!
Man #2: Yeah, I charge every­thing to it. I get most of my flights for free.
Man #1: I’m a Jet­Blue air­plane me­chan­ic.
Man #2: Re­al­ly? I love Jet­Blue. They do every­thing I ask for in an air­line: they get me there alive and on time.
Woman: I work for Unit­ed. Don’t fly us. We suck.

–Ja­maica

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry

Like All Great Per­form­ers.

La­Guardia stu­dent #1: They closed the up­per lev­el in Lin­coln cen­ter off! Can you be­lieve that? They thought we were do­ing drugs up there or some­thing!
La­Guardia stu­dent #2: We were do­ing drugs up there.
La­Guardia stu­dent #1: Oh… right.

–Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Tay­lor

(He’s Talk­ing About Her Pe­ri­od!!!)

Asian guy to friend, watch­ing class­mate: Stu­pid kid made his mom late and missed the train.
White guy: It’s not the first time he made her late!

–Down­town N Train

Wednes­day Lit­tle-One Lin­ers

Woman in cof­fee shop: I mean, I would love to not spank… my kids. But with Cas­sius, I just had no choice. He just… he just… there was noth­ing we could do.

–Grand & Clin­ton

Con­duc­tor, hold­ing sev­en-year-old’s hand: At­ten­tion pas­sen­gers. Will the fe­male who left her child on the plat­form please come to­wards the con­duc­tor’s po­si­tion.

–R Train

Over­heard by: Monroe110

Woman to her­self: Where the fuck I left my kids at, yo?

–Base­ball Park, Bed-Stuy

Man to group of friends: I don’t know much about Bat­tery Park… What I do know is that I can’t find my kids.

–Bat­tery Park

Crack­head: I got six kids, three ba­by mom­mas, and an­oth­er one on the way. I must be do­ing some­thing right.

–A Train