50-something suit #1, passing bookstore: Why would people wait in line to get the Kardashians to sign their books? What have they done?
50-something suit #2: They are just famous for being famous!
50-something suit #1: Why? I don't understand!!
50-something suit #2: There's nothing to understand. Like I said, they are famous for being famous, just like Paris Hilton.
–46th & 5th
Overheard by: LT
Elderly Jewish woman trying to get a passport: No, I don't have a copy of my marriage certificate. I got married in a concentration camp.
Overzealous German bureaucrat: Well, you need to have a copy of your marriage license.
Elderly Jewish woman: Are you kidding me? They won't even let me show my kids where I got married because I don't have documentation. What's the address I should write to? You have that there?
–German Consulatt
Overheard by: Megan
Younger brother: I was going to try and make a fake orgasm joke, but I didn't know how to get from point a to point b.
Older brother: I think that's part of your problem.
–Central Park
Jewish guy: Every now and then you hear a funny holocaust joke.
Muslim guy: You know I had an uncle that died at the world trade center on 9/11?
Jewish guy: Was his name Mohammed Atta?
–Bar, Upper West Side
Young woman: Oh, I liked that show! (hums tune) Der der derr derrrrr… Der.
Older woman: No! It was more “do” than “der.” (hums different tune) Do doo doooo…
–Penn Station
Girl: I met him when I was studying abroad last summer in Italy, but he's American.
Guy: Wait, where's he from?
Girl: Well, he goes to the university of Kentucky.
Guy: Oh. Honestly, I don't even really know where Kentucky is…
Girl: Yeah, it's like… Down… and over.
–Arthur Ave
Guy #1: Dude, that's my favorite place to get pizza when I'm drunk.
Guy #2: Really? Is it good?
Guy #1: I don't know, I've never had it when I was sober. For all I know they could have taken a shit on it and threw it in the oven, and I would still think its good.
Guy #2: Haha, mmm, spicy.
Guy #1: Exactly!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Ashley
Daughter: I want one of those.
Mother: What? You are a New Yorker and not some dumb tourist! Why the hell would you want an “I Heart New York” t-shirt?
–4 Train
Overheard by: The innocent bystander of your life
Man #1, after car drives blasting music: Do you know how to salsa?
Man #2: I used to.
Man #1: What do you mean you used to? It's like riding a bike. If you ever learned it you can do it now. You ain't never learned how to salsa, man.
–97th St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Alex Barash
Little girl to babysitter: If there's one person I would want to eat in this whole world it would be Santa Claus. I bet he tastes like mint… and candy. Or maybe the Easter bunny. He probably tastes like prizes.
–72nd St & 3rd
Overheard by: TA who hears everything
Girl: Right? A good assessment of my family is: we eat our young.
–Brooklyn Botanical Garden
Shirtless crazy man walking behind heavy set woman: I would love to eat that ass! Suck it real good…
–Q Train
Overheard by: baconista
20-something: No, I can't take a later flight–apparently I have an ass-chewing first thing in the morning!
–LaGuardia Airport
Grocery-carrying mom to tantrum-throwing boy: You scream one mo' time, I slap yo' butt on this here wonder bread and we be eatin' you fo' lunch all week! (little boy sits down quietly and folds his mittens)
–F Train