Four-year-old boy: Uh-oh… Poop.
Mom: No, no, no! You push that fart back in! Right now!

–M79 Bus

Girl #1: I’m saving that seat for my boyfriend. He’s right behind you.
Guy: There’s another seat right there.
Girl #1: But it’s for my boyfriend! Don’t sit there!
Guy: Well, I’m not moving.
Girl #1: I can’t believe you. Move!
Guy: No.
Guy’s girlfriend: He hurt his ankle earlier.
Girl #1: I can’t believe you wouldn’t move.
Guy: Don’t be a bitch.
Girl #1: Real gentlemanly! (to boyfriend) Why didn’t you defend me when he called me a bitch?!
Girl #1’s boyfriend: (silence)

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Alex

Hipster, flapping arms: I make the turkey noise when I ejaculate! I make the turkey noise! Oh-gobble gobble gobble!

–Bushwick & Grand

Harried-looking mother dragging daughter out of the subway: You should have come with a warning label.
Daughter: What?

–77th St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: Sandi

Bro #1: Have you tasted that guy’s blood? He’s like drunk all the time.
Bro #2: Yeah…

–E 85th St & Lexington

Overheard by: rastapasta

Frat guy #1: I’m not going to fuck her.
Frat guy #2: I’m not going to fuck her, either.
Frat guy #1: Well, somebody’s got to fuck her.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: CPE

Hottie girl: Subtlety is my strong suit.
Hottie guy: Mine is grudge fucking.

–Signature Theater

Overheard by: Wow

Girl #1: She’s so pretty, she always wears such nice clothing.
Girl #2: Yeah, she’s really nice… If I were a lesbian, she’d be my first.

–Hunter College

Woman to man standing at corner: We’ve got the light.
Man in smooth voice, still standing at the corner: I’m not watchin’ the light, baby. I’m watchin’ the cars. The light don’t hit nobody.

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Logical Thoughts

Dude in backseat to man: Oh, damn son, your lady is fiiiine!
Man on street: Thanks…
Lady: Hah!
Dude in backseat: You better suck on them toes! Mmm!

–35th St & Madison

Overheard by: Amanda