Archive for 2011

“Alive?” I Suppose So.

Guy #1: They're all 80 or 90 years old.
Guy #2: The ones who are still alive, you mean?

–Westchester Ave, Planet Fitness

Overheard by: francyne pelchar

More Entertaining Than It's Complicated, Though

Guy: The second he was outta the navy he was smoking reefer. But he's a bro! He loves Ron Paul! Even when he was in the navy he did karaoke on the weekends. But Rand Paul, that's another story.
Girl: Sounds complicated…

–W 4rd & Thompson

Dropping in on Random Conversations Has Become a Disease in This City

Fabulous guy: So where were you today?
Girl in activist shirt: At a walk to fight brain tumors down in battery park.
Girl's friend: I love New York, you can do a walk for just about anything, even the like randomest shit… Like yesterday, I passed two walks, one for breast cancer which is, like, normal, and then another one for lupus, which is, like, so random!
Girl in activist shirt: Not if you have lupus…
Random passerby, laughing : Dayyyyummmmm.
Girl's friend: Shut up!

–Fordham University

That's What You Said When I Tried to Introduce You to Sex!

Girl hipster #1, playing “game of life” on iPod: Wait, what does “desertion” mean?
Girl hipster #2: Isn't it like, when you're deserted?
Guy hipster: I dunno.
Girl hipster #1: Isn't this, like, a kids' game? What the hell?

–Terminal 5

Wednesday One-Liners Publish or Perish

Indian professor: No, you guys finish your work. Me and Nicole are going to talk about the X-Men.

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Religious studies professor: Everyone, quiet down! I'm trying to discuss important matters here. So, professor Trelawney…

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Sarah R

Professor: I'm going to staple you to the wall, I'm not even going to tape you!

–Columbia

Stately, learned history professor: There's this new part of the right wing called the tea baggers. (class laughs) Oh, I meant the tea party. I guess that shows where my modern interests are at.

–Bard High School Early College

Overheard by: Not at tea party member

Wednesday One-Landfills

Woman to child: Hold my hand, we're not in Staten Island anymore.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Bella

Crazy guy on bus: This is for the public! This is for the public! When's the last time you been to Staten Island? Seriously, when's the last time any of you been to Staten Island? Think about it!

–N6 Bus

Overheard by: not from staten island

NYU girl to friends: I didn't know Staten Island was, like, a real island. Do people actually live there?

–F Train

Young Italian kid: Anywhere important in Staten Island has a Wendy's next to it.

–Spumoni Gardens, Brooklyn

Overheard by: T.T.

Late teens punk girl, loudly: Hell no, I'm not going to Staten Island… What the fuck is there? All they have there are young, unwed girls like you!

–Walgreens

And I Didn't Even Hit You

Plastered Asian guy to Asian girl: Your vagina is vibrating! We're having a poor man's abortion!

–7 Train

It's Tough to Keep a Marriage Afloat, People.

Woman: I have an idea. Why don't you tell your wife you want to renew your vows, then take her on a cruise and push her overboard.
Man: If it was that easy, baby, a lot more people would be taking cruises.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Carolyn