Archive for 2011

“Alive?” I Sup­pose So.

Guy #1: They’re all 80 or 90 years old.
Guy #2: The ones who are still alive, you mean?

–Westch­ester Ave, Plan­et Fit­ness

Over­heard by: fran­cyne pelchar

More En­ter­tain­ing Than It’s Com­pli­cat­ed, Though

Guy: The sec­ond he was out­ta the navy he was smok­ing reefer. But he’s a bro! He loves Ron Paul! Even when he was in the navy he did karaoke on the week­ends. But Rand Paul, that’s an­oth­er sto­ry.
Girl: Sounds com­pli­cat­ed…

–W 4rd & Thomp­son

Drop­ping in on Ran­dom Con­ver­sa­tions Has Be­come a Dis­ease in This City

Fab­u­lous guy: So where were you to­day?
Girl in ac­tivist shirt: At a walk to fight brain tu­mors down in bat­tery park.
Girl’s friend: I love New York, you can do a walk for just about any­thing, even the like ran­domest shit… Like yes­ter­day, I passed two walks, one for breast can­cer which is, like, nor­mal, and then an­oth­er one for lu­pus, which is, like, so ran­dom!
Girl in ac­tivist shirt: Not if you have lu­pus…
Ran­dom passer­by, laugh­ing : Dayyyyum­m­m­mm.
Girl’s friend: Shut up!

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

That’s What You Said When I Tried to In­tro­duce You to Sex!

Girl hip­ster #1, play­ing “game of life” on iPod: Wait, what does “de­ser­tion” mean?
Girl hip­ster #2: Is­n’t it like, when you’re de­sert­ed?
Guy hip­ster: I dun­no.
Girl hip­ster #1: Is­n’t this, like, a kids’ game? What the hell?

–Ter­mi­nal 5

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Pub­lish or Per­ish

In­di­an pro­fes­sor: No, you guys fin­ish your work. Me and Nicole are go­ing to talk about the X‑Men.

–Class­room, NYU

Over­heard by: Bruce Lee

Re­li­gious stud­ies pro­fes­sor: Every­one, qui­et down! I’m try­ing to dis­cuss im­por­tant mat­ters here. So, pro­fes­sor Trelawney…

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: Sarah R

Pro­fes­sor: I’m go­ing to sta­ple you to the wall, I’m not even go­ing to tape you!


State­ly, learned his­to­ry pro­fes­sor: There’s this new part of the right wing called the tea bag­gers. (class laughs) Oh, I meant the tea par­ty. I guess that shows where my mod­ern in­ter­ests are at.

–Bard High School Ear­ly Col­lege

Over­heard by: Not at tea par­ty mem­ber

Wednes­day One-Land­fills

Woman to child: Hold my hand, we’re not in Stat­en Is­land any­more.

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: Bel­la

Crazy guy on bus: This is for the pub­lic! This is for the pub­lic! When’s the last time you been to Stat­en Is­land? Se­ri­ous­ly, when’s the last time any of you been to Stat­en Is­land? Think about it!

–N6 Bus

Over­heard by: not from stat­en is­land

NYU girl to friends: I did­n’t know Stat­en Is­land was, like, a re­al is­land. Do peo­ple ac­tu­al­ly live there?

–F Train

Young Ital­ian kid: Any­where im­por­tant in Stat­en Is­land has a Wendy’s next to it.

–Spumoni Gar­dens, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: T.T.

Late teens punk girl, loud­ly: Hell no, I’m not go­ing to Stat­en Is­land… What the fuck is there? All they have there are young, un­wed girls like you!


And Don’t Bake Where You Make

Guy: Hey, why don’t you work here?
Girl: Don’t shit where you study.

–Hun­gar­i­an Pas­try Shop

Over­heard by: Emi­ly B.

And I Did­n’t Even Hit You

Plas­tered Asian guy to Asian girl: Your vagi­na is vi­brat­ing! We’re hav­ing a poor man’s abor­tion!

–7 Train

It’s Tough to Keep a Mar­riage Afloat, Peo­ple.

Woman: I have an idea. Why don’t you tell your wife you want to re­new your vows, then take her on a cruise and push her over­board.
Man: If it was that easy, ba­by, a lot more peo­ple would be tak­ing cruis­es.

–Up­town 6 Train

Over­heard by: Car­olyn