Archive for 2011

Sorry, My Liberal Guilt Button Is Disabled

Black guy on street with CDs: Here, have a copy of my CD.
Unsuspecting tourists: No, thanks.
Black guy on street with CDs: What, you don’t like niggas?

–Times Square


NYU girl #1: (absentmindedly playing with necklace chains)
NYU girl #2, bitchily: You know, if I didn’t know better I’d think you were my stoner roommate.
NYU girl #1: Huh?

–Urban Outfitters, 2nd Ave

Turns Out It Was Birds.

Wife, listening to beeping cars: What is all that beeping? God, it’s so loud!
Husband: Bitch, you’re in New York City! It’s a fucking car! What do you think it is?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Defran


Girl #1, about beta fish in tank: That fish is pretty badass.
Girl #2: Let’s name it “Bamf.” King Bamf.
Girl #1: How about “King Bitchmaster”?
Girl #3: How about you let me name my own fish?
Girl #1: How about I feed it cheeseburgers when you’re not around?
Girl #3: Wait… What the fuck?

–Union Square

Cabbage Patch Dolls Say That Shit to Each Other All the Time.

Stony Brook student: And then two nights ago, he shaved off his eyebrows.
Fordham student: What? Why? Was he drunk?
Stony Brook student: No, he was sober.
Fordham student: Then why?
Stony Brook student: Because he is retarded. There is no reason for one to shave off one’s eyebrows other than being retarded. And I was like, “What the fuck? You epileptic piece of shit! You’ve got no fucking eyebrows!”

–Lincoln Center

But You’re Always Saying How Sketchy I Am!

Mom, after PA announcement regarding jewelry giveaway:: Now, where’s that gold necklace again?
Daughter: Mom! It’s a drawing! You can’t draw.

–K‑Mart, 42nd St

Overheard by: Blue Light Special

…It Keeps Giving Me Dirty Looks.

Effeminate boy, trying to be macho to insecure girl: Average boobs. Average butt. Average everything. She is just average.
Insecure girl: Am I average?
Effeminate boy: Yeah, you’re just average.
Insecure girl: I hate her hair.

–L Train

Really? Wow, It’s Amazing What Science Is Doing These Days!

Woman #1 in elevator: Awww, your dog is cute. That’s a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, right?
Woman #2: Yeah.
Woman #1: They are such sweet dogs… My friend has one.
Woman #2: Yeah, he’s definitely a little lover.
Woman #1: Hmm, are they more common as girls or boys?
Woman #2, blinking and fighting back laughter: They come in both.

–23rd & 10th

Oh, Like Sailor Moon?

Husband audience member: What’s a stigmata?
Wife audience member: It’s when they have a special power.

–Dicapo Opera Theatre

Overheard by: Schedenfreude