Archive for 2011

Ex­act­ly.

NYU girl #1: (ab­sent­mind­ed­ly play­ing with neck­lace chains)
NYU girl #2, bitchi­ly: You know, if I did­n’t know bet­ter I’d think you were my ston­er room­mate.
NYU girl #1: Huh?

–Ur­ban Out­fit­ters, 2nd Ave

Turns Out It Was Birds.

Wife, lis­ten­ing to beep­ing cars: What is all that beep­ing? God, it’s so loud!
Hus­band: Bitch, you’re in New York City! It’s a fuck­ing car! What do you think it is?

–Times Square

Over­heard by: De­fran

Ex­act­ly.

Girl #1, about be­ta fish in tank: That fish is pret­ty badass.
Girl #2: Let’s name it “Bamf.” King Bamf.
Girl #1: How about “King Bitch­mas­ter”?
Girl #3: How about you let me name my own fish?
Girl #1: How about I feed it cheese­burg­ers when you’re not around?
Girl #3: Wait… What the fuck?

–Union Square

Cab­bage Patch Dolls Say That Shit to Each Oth­er All the Time.

Stony Brook stu­dent: And then two nights ago, he shaved off his eye­brows.
Ford­ham stu­dent: What? Why? Was he drunk?
Stony Brook stu­dent: No, he was sober.
Ford­ham stu­dent: Then why?
Stony Brook stu­dent: Be­cause he is re­tard­ed. There is no rea­son for one to shave off one’s eye­brows oth­er than be­ing re­tard­ed. And I was like, “What the fuck? You epilep­tic piece of shit! You’ve got no fuck­ing eye­brows!”

–Lin­coln Cen­ter

But You’re Al­ways Say­ing How Sketchy I Am!

Mom, af­ter PA an­nounce­ment re­gard­ing jew­el­ry give­away:: Now, where’s that gold neck­lace again?
Daugh­ter: Mom! It’s a draw­ing! You can’t draw.

–K‑Mart, 42nd St

Over­heard by: Blue Light Spe­cial

…It Keeps Giv­ing Me Dirty Looks.

Ef­fem­i­nate boy, try­ing to be ma­cho to in­se­cure girl: Av­er­age boobs. Av­er­age butt. Av­er­age every­thing. She is just av­er­age.
In­se­cure girl: Am I av­er­age?
Ef­fem­i­nate boy: Yeah, you’re just av­er­age.
In­se­cure girl: I hate her hair.

–L Train

Re­al­ly? Wow, It’s Amaz­ing What Sci­ence Is Do­ing These Days!

Woman #1 in el­e­va­tor: Awww, your dog is cute. That’s a Cav­a­lier King Charles Spaniel, right?
Woman #2: Yeah.
Woman #1: They are such sweet dogs… My friend has one.
Woman #2: Yeah, he’s def­i­nite­ly a lit­tle lover.
Woman #1: Hmm, are they more com­mon as girls or boys?
Woman #2, blink­ing and fight­ing back laugh­ter: They come in both.

–23rd & 10th

Oh, Like Sailor Moon?

Hus­band au­di­ence mem­ber: What’s a stig­ma­ta?
Wife au­di­ence mem­ber: It’s when they have a spe­cial pow­er.

–Di­capo Opera The­atre

Over­heard by: Scheden­freude