Archive for 2011

I Thought That Was, Like, a Sex­u­al Thing?

Guy #1: If I were The Jok­er my best pick-up line would be “lets put a smile on that face.“
Guy #2: Or “why so se­ri­ous?“
Guy #3: How about “wan­na see me make this pen­cil dis­ap­pear?“
Girl #1: Poor Jok­er… That’s why he want­ed to kill every­body.

–N Train

Over­heard by: A&Z

This Was the Mo­ment They Fell in Love.

Girl: Do you know how to dri­ve a stick?
Boy: Nah, I learned when I was wast­ed.
Girl: Me too! Spring break se­nior year. My friend’s Mus­tang. Don’t re­mem­ber…

–Down­town 4 Train

Um, Is­n’t That Your Wife’s Birth Con­trol?

Mid­dle aged black man: I don’t need some pill to make me skeet. You know what I’m sayin?
Slight­ly old­er black man: I gots the mag­ic pill. I like makin’ sure I be ready for my bitch!

–51st & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Wait­ing­fo­ra­train

…With Your Street Smarts

South­ern mom, ar­riv­ing in New York: Okay, every­one put your street smarts on.
South­ern teen girl #1: I put my cell phone in my pock­et, is that okay?
South­ern teen girl #2: No! That’s where the ho­bos go first! Put it in your sock!

–Train, Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Lind­sey Hogrefe

“Break Wednes­day in Case Of One-Lin­er”

40-some­thing suit: He said he was an an­ar­chist. He re­fused to pull over for emer­gency ve­hi­cles.

–45th & Park Ave

Over­heard by: Katy

Po­lice of­fi­cer on mega­phone: Peo­ple, you are in the mid­dle of a road and are block­ing traf­fic. If there is an emer­gency, noooo­bod­dddy is go­ing to save you.

–57th & 11th

El­e­va­tor op­er­a­tor: Man, if I had an emer­gency chute, I would use that shit to­day.

–168th St Train Sta­tion

Guy rush­ing out of off-track bet­ting: Hi, Sharon? I’m sor­ry I did­n’t call you. I had an emer­gency this morn­ing. I’m in the hos­pi­tal. I’ll call you right back.

–5th Ave, Bay Ridge

Over­heard by: b_clothman

Re­duce, Reuse, Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Male stu­dent to fe­male stu­dent: I went over to her apart­ment, and she has all reusable, eco-friend­ly cups… So there I am, drink­ing out of what seems like a plas­tic cup, but with per­ma­nent lip­stick stains! “No,” I said to my­self, “No, I am not do­ing this!”

–St. Mark’s & 4th St

Green­peace guy: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you like na­ture? Where 10 is, like, you wan­na live in a tree house, and 1 is like, you want to punch a pan­da bear in the face?

–Bleeck­er & Prince

Over­heard by: Pan­da Bear Hater

Teen thug on cell: Yo man, I told you, I don’t fuck­ing lit­ter! I care about the moth­er­fuck­ing en­vi­ron­ment!

–125th & Adam Clay­ton Pow­ell

Over­heard by: hel­l’s kitch­enette

Tourist woman: Hon­ey, this plaque talks about glob­al warm­ing as if it’s a fact!

–Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

Over­heard by: Tim

What a Mon­go­lian Clus­ter Wednes­day-One-Lin­er

Man on cell: Every time I loan you mon­ey, you mooch it! (pause) No, that time was dif­fer­ent! (pause) Fuck you! I’m com­ing over right now, I’ll be there in twen­ty min­utes, ass­hole! (hangs up) Fuck every­thing!

–40th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Al­ly

Young fe­male suit shout­ing in­to cell: Well, that’s just the ic­ing on the fuck-cake, is­n’t it?

–42nd & 5th

50-some­thing woman wear­ing base­ball cap: He fucked me for nine years!

–Cen­tral Park

Guy look­ing at an ad for the King Tut ex­hib­it: King Tut! Fuck you!

–23rd St & Park Ave

Got to Get You In­to My Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Boy: I need a black Jew in my life.

–Bard High School, Queens

Over­heard by: Sun­ny

Guy about to get on train dur­ing morn­ing rush hour, in a de­feat­ed tone: This is go­ing to be my life? I hate the fuck­ing sub­way.

–6 Train

Over­heard by: Briz­zle

20-some­thing girl: I mean, let’s be hon­est, my biggest ac­com­plish­ment in the past few weeks is mak­ing a pro­file on Jdate. How do you re­al­ly think my life is go­ing?

–West­way Din­er, 43rd & 9th

Girl on cell: Fine, mom! Then I’ll just be­come a strip­per. (pause) No, I won’t get in­to drugs. (pause) I know, this is what it feels like when life kicks you in the teeth.

–West 4th & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: Lezbotron