Archive for 2011

Further Evidence That You Can’t Really Understand Someone Unless You Walk in His Shoes.

Elegant silver haired exec, as shoeshine man gives finishing touches: Perfect.
Shoe shiner: You can see your face in them.
Elegant silver haired exec: They look too good to walk in! And it looks like rain.
(elderly man, tourist type with camera and sweatsuit passes and listens. He holds out an empty plastic bag)
Elegant silver haired exec, confused: What’s this?
Tourist: You’re right. Those fancy shoes look too good to wear. Take ’em off and your socks too and put ’em in the bag…
Shoe shiner: Ha! I wanna see that! What’s he gonna wear now on his feet? He’s a suit! (exec just stares)
Tourist: What do you mean? Just walk back to your office in your bare feet… Watch out, though. You don’t want to step in anything with no shoes on.

–Grand Central Station

…Or Like Trade Skills?

Hipster skank: So presumably, he’s skilled.
Hipster ditz: Like… Sexually?

–Bedford & North 8th

Overheard by: Steph

We Blame Sex & the City for This Conversation.

Female #1: So… Yeah, did I tell you?
Female #2: Tell me what? Oh… About the date. Tell. Me. Everything.
Female #1: Well, it was cool and all, and he looks cute, but he was using coupons on the date.
Female #2: What kind of coupons?
Female #1: He had a coupon of the restaurant for a free dinner date for two for up to $70.
Female #2: That is fucking cool!
Female #1: No, it’s not. It’s embarrassing.
Female #2: Whatever, but then what happened?
Female #1: Then we went to a play but he had free tickets for that too. I don’t know… I think he’s poor, or unemployed or something… So I told him after the date I was uncomfortable and it was not going to work out.
Female #2: Listen, I’m going to be late to work but I gotta say you’re stupid. I went through so much to get you that date. That guy is not poor at all. He owns like four stores. He’s the only guy I know with excellent credit, single, no kids and you’re an asshat. Call me later.
Female #1: He owns what?!

–1 Train

She Jests at Scars Who Never Felt a Wound

Guy carrying FedEx box, on phone with girlfriend: I’m outside, come down. (pause) Ya, I’m workin’, I’m downstairs! (pause) Oh ya? I’m working, you say that like I’m on vacation, I’m freezin’ my fucking balls off out here and you act like I’m getting on a fuckin’ cruise or somethin!

–42nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Molly

…Like Donald Trump

Little girl: I feel like you don’t listen to anything I say!
Nanny: That’s because you never say anything important.

–Central Park

Why I Despise the “Suggest a Friend” Feature on Facebook.

30-something suit: So these guys helped you, yes?
20-something guy: Yup, thanks so much!
30-something suit: I keep telling you, you should keep contact with your friends! High school, college, doesn’t matter, you gotta keep contact with your friends! Yes, I understand that these are people you hate, I understand you despise them, but you gotta keep in touch with your friends!

–R Train

I’m the Top

Gay guy #1, ready with camera: Look, spring blossoms! Be a spring blossom!
Gay guy #2, suddenly stopping his leaping under a newly flowered tree: I am not a spring blossom, asshole.

–3rd Ave & St. Mark’s

That About Wraps It Up

Tourist lady at night: Look at all the lights! There’s just something magical about New York.
(steps off curb, looks down) Oh my god! It’s a condom!
Random suit behind her: Magical!

–53rd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Butch Manowski