Archive for 2011

Fur­ther Ev­i­dence That You Can’t Re­al­ly Un­der­stand Some­one Un­less You Walk in His Shoes.

El­e­gant sil­ver haired ex­ec, as shoeshine man gives fin­ish­ing touch­es: Per­fect.
Shoe shin­er: You can see your face in them.
El­e­gant sil­ver haired ex­ec: They look too good to walk in! And it looks like rain.
(el­der­ly man, tourist type with cam­era and sweat­suit pass­es and lis­tens. He holds out an emp­ty plas­tic bag)
El­e­gant sil­ver haired ex­ec, con­fused: What’s this?
Tourist: You’re right. Those fan­cy shoes look too good to wear. Take ’em off and your socks too and put ’em in the bag…
Shoe shin­er: Ha! I wan­na see that! What’s he gonna wear now on his feet? He’s a suit! (ex­ec just stares)
Tourist: What do you mean? Just walk back to your of­fice in your bare feet… Watch out, though. You don’t want to step in any­thing with no shoes on.

–Grand Cen­tral Sta­tion

…Or Like Trade Skills?

Hip­ster skank: So pre­sum­ably, he’s skilled.
Hip­ster ditz: Like… Sex­u­al­ly?

–Bed­ford & North 8th

Over­heard by: Steph

We Blame Sex & the City for This Con­ver­sa­tion.

Fe­male #1: So… Yeah, did I tell you?
Fe­male #2: Tell me what? Oh… About the date. Tell. Me. Every­thing.
Fe­male #1: Well, it was cool and all, and he looks cute, but he was us­ing coupons on the date.
Fe­male #2: What kind of coupons?
Fe­male #1: He had a coupon of the restau­rant for a free din­ner date for two for up to $70.
Fe­male #2: That is fuck­ing cool!
Fe­male #1: No, it’s not. It’s em­bar­rass­ing.
Fe­male #2: What­ev­er, but then what hap­pened?
Fe­male #1: Then we went to a play but he had free tick­ets for that too. I don’t know… I think he’s poor, or un­em­ployed or some­thing… So I told him af­ter the date I was un­com­fort­able and it was not go­ing to work out.
Fe­male #2: Lis­ten, I’m go­ing to be late to work but I got­ta say you’re stu­pid. I went through so much to get you that date. That guy is not poor at all. He owns like four stores. He’s the on­ly guy I know with ex­cel­lent cred­it, sin­gle, no kids and you’re an ass­hat. Call me lat­er.
Fe­male #1: He owns what?!

–1 Train

She Jests at Scars Who Nev­er Felt a Wound

Guy car­ry­ing FedEx box, on phone with girl­friend: I’m out­side, come down. (pause) Ya, I’m workin’, I’m down­stairs! (pause) Oh ya? I’m work­ing, you say that like I’m on va­ca­tion, I’m freezin’ my fuck­ing balls off out here and you act like I’m get­ting on a fuckin’ cruise or some­thin!

–42nd St & Park Ave

Over­heard by: Mol­ly

…Like Don­ald Trump

Lit­tle girl: I feel like you don’t lis­ten to any­thing I say!
Nan­ny: That’s be­cause you nev­er say any­thing im­por­tant.

–Cen­tral Park

Why I De­spise the “Sug­gest a Friend” Fea­ture on Face­book.

30-some­thing suit: So these guys helped you, yes?
20-some­thing guy: Yup, thanks so much!
30-some­thing suit: I keep telling you, you should keep con­tact with your friends! High school, col­lege, does­n’t mat­ter, you got­ta keep con­tact with your friends! Yes, I un­der­stand that these are peo­ple you hate, I un­der­stand you de­spise them, but you got­ta keep in touch with your friends!

–R Train

I’m the Top

Gay guy #1, ready with cam­era: Look, spring blos­soms! Be a spring blos­som!
Gay guy #2, sud­den­ly stop­ping his leap­ing un­der a new­ly flow­ered tree: I am not a spring blos­som, ass­hole.

–3rd Ave & St. Mark’s

That About Wraps It Up

Tourist la­dy at night: Look at all the lights! There’s just some­thing mag­i­cal about New York.
(steps off curb, looks down) Oh my god! It’s a con­dom!
Ran­dom suit be­hind her: Mag­i­cal!

–53rd St & 7th Ave

Over­heard by: Butch Manows­ki