Girl: So, are met­ro­sex­u­al guys gay for re­al but date girls for show?
Boy: No, dum­my. They’re, like, to­tal­ly straight!
Girl: Oh, I see, so they just have gay sex with women then!

–14st St & Broad­way

Crazy guy to teenag­er with iPod: Has any­one ever told you you look like Jon Bon Jovi?
Teenag­er: No, but thank you.
Crazy guy: How old are you?
Teenag­er: Nine­teen.
Crazy guy: You’re re­al­ly young! I’m fifty-four.
Teenag­er: So’s my mom. It’s a good age.

–PATH Train

Over­heard by: Grace­ful Space

Law stu­dent: The check came and I said ‘hey, it’s my birth­day’. This girl was like, ‘what did you do?’ I said ‘You re­al­ly wan­na know?’ (pause) Star Wars strip­per. Star. Wars. Strip­per.
Friend: That’s em­bar­rass­ing, dude.

–Star­bucks, Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Philoso­pher

Woman with back­pack on cell: Don’t ask me why I fell in love with a hero­in ad­dict who fucks pros­ti­tutes on the side!

–42nd St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: Al­pha

Man wait­ing for pre­scrip­tion in phar­ma­cy, an­swer­ing cell: Mike’s house of sin. No, sor­ry she is­n’t avail­able tonight. I can get you an­oth­er girl, but it will cost you more.

–For­est Hills, New York

Gay man on cell: I’m sweat­ing like a Viet­namese pros­ti­tute with a meth ad­dic­tion!

–West Vil­lage, Gay Pride Pa­rade

Over­heard by: Pret­ty hot and sweaty too.

Guy on phone: But if you think about it, all women are pros­ti­tutes in a way. I mean, if I’m pay­ing for the red lob­ster, I should at least get a blowjob at the end of the date.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Tay­lan

Rock­er girl: He went from her­pes to a hook­er, which is bet­ter, but still not good. Tard.

–JFK

Over­heard by: I sup­pose so

Young boy, an­gri­ly to fa­ther: He’s my ther­a­pist, not my dad!

–Up­per West Side

Pa­tron to friend: She needs Je­sus and a ther­a­pist.

–Mc­Don­ald’s

Over­heard by: KP Whitey

Bub­ble sales­man: Cheap­er than Prozac, it’s bub­ble ther­a­py!

–48th St & 7th

Gui­do chick to laugh­ing friends: I was di­ag­nosed as bipo­lar. Don’t fuck with me, I have AD­HD!

–PATH Train

Young woman on cell: Even my ther­a­pist is work­ing against me!

–43rd & Lex­ing­ton

30-some­thing woman paint­ing by the lake: Dudes, you’re crowd­ing my paint­ing! (they don’t move) Fuck this shit! Stop look­ing at my art!

–Prospect Park

Over­heard by: tay­lor

Girl, about art piece: Guess what that one’s called! “Un­ti­tled”!

–Arario Gallery

Artist’s muse: I’ve left New York be­fore. There’s noth­ing out there. It’s a god­damn waste­land. I mean, I went to a waf­fle house; it was fuck­ing ab­sur­dist. I mean, some of the most cre­ative peo­ple have come from nowhere. Like, Andy Warhol. Yeah, he was fa­mous, but he came from But­t­fuck, Penn­syl­va­nia. I’ve nev­er re­al­ly cared for Warhol. I mean, I like his style and all, but I would­n’t make him my Face­book friend.

–Spice Cove, E 6th St

Over­heard by: Chris F.

Suit on cell: It’s like Michelan­ge­lo in my mouth…

–37th & 8th

20-some­thing woman: I like that you plant­ed a tree on Earth Day, dad.
60-some­thing man: I al­so smoked up on 4/20.

–Broad­way & 8th Ave

Ac­tor #1: He needs botox.
Ac­tor #2: He needs tal­ent.

–Up­per West Side

Guy #1: So did that make you un­com­fort­able, what I did last night?
Guy #2: Yeah. I was un­com­fort­able. I mean, we just walked in and there he was naked and passed out on the couch.

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Girl #1: So I told Mon­i­ca, if I were in ever in a re­la­tion­ship where I had to ask per­mis­sion to eat a bur­ri­to, I’d shoot my­self.
Girl #2: Yeah.

–Prospect Park