Archive for 2011

Wes Craven: Gold!

Lady #1: You heard about Richard* the bus driver? He's dead!
Lady #2: What? (pause) Will he still be able to pick up the kids?

–2nd Ave

Overheard by: okeydokey

He's in the Process Of Spanking That Out Of Me

Queer #1: At first I judged him because he's bald. But then I totally fell in love with him because he's so hilarious.
Queer #2: He's old, it's not his fault he's balding.
Queer #1: I'm young, it's not my fault I'm shallow.

–Abingdon Square

Overheard by: Alex N

Speaking Of Making Enemies…

Older sister: There's a great Winston Churchill quote about how having enemies, and how it means you stood up for something…
Younger brother: Fuck Churchill, he's dead and he ain't never even heard a Rick Ross album. What the fuck he know bout life?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Kaypoleton

Don't You Pay Crate & Barrel to Screw You?

Asian mom: Shame on you! You like sex.
Teenage daughter, sarcastically: Yeah, mom… I can't get enough.
Asian mom: Do you do it for free?

–Crate & Barrel, Soho

Overheard by: Windowshopper

There's a Lot Of Child Trafficking in Queens

Father: Reina! (as his daughter runs further and further down the block) Reina!
Mother: Say “red light”!
Father: I don't wanna say “red light”!
Mother: Say “red light”!
Father: No!
Mother: Red light! (daughter stops) I told you to say “red light!”

–Long Island City

Overheard by: Fog cue

Stupidity Happens by Degrees.

Drunk girl: I smell dog shit… I smell a little bit of dog shit!
Sober friend, not listening: Oh, really? That's nice.
Drunk girl: Maybe because I'm pregnant. Hey, guys, I can smell dog shit because I'm pregnant!

–Fordham University

…You Won't Tell Her, Right?

Teenage boy #1: I don't like calling girls bitches.
Teenage boy #2: Yeah, me too. I call my girl a bitch in a good way.

–Union Square

Isn't Guiness Food? Discuss.

Gruff old man: So let me get this straight, we're going to an Irish bar, and I'm going to have a beer, but you're just going to have coffee?
High-pitched old man: Yeah.
Gruff old man: So you're going to embarrass me? You're going to embarrass yourself?!
High pitched old man: I don't want beer.
Gruff old man: At least buy something. I mean, get some food or something, a glass of water, I mean, then you can drink your coffee.
High-pitched old man: Yeah, okay.

–N Train

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster