Archive for 2011

Says the Woman Who Took Me to Ar­by’s?

Mom to kid who picked up a rock and put it in his mouth: Ethan, what is that?
Kid: (eva­sive)
Mom, odd­ly, very very an­gry: Ethan, don’t you re­mem­ber what I told you yes­ter­day about yum­my things and yucky things? That’s yucky! It’s yucky! Can’t you tell?

–W End Ave & 80th St

Over­heard by: Jack­ie R

Does Am­ber Have Am­bly­opia? Dis­cuss.

JAP to friend: You know what I wish?
Friend: What?
JAP, en­thu­si­as­ti­cal­ly: I wish that the world was in, like, 3D!
Friend: It is in 3D, smar­tass.
JAP: Nooooo! 3D as in (makes in-and-out box mo­tion with hands) whoooooooooooooo! That kind of 3D.

–Q Train

Texas In­stru­ments: Eee­ex­cel­lent!

Teenage girl #1: Vi­bra­tors are like cal­cu­la­tors. When you reg­u­lar­ly get used to flip­ping a switch and hav­ing it done for you, you wind up suck­ing at do­ing math by your­self.
Teenage girl #2: Ex­act­ly! I keep try­ing to wean my­self off, but then I’m like “nooooo! Too much work!”

–Riv­ing­ton & Es­sex

The Prover­bial Do­mini­can Stand­off

Do­mini­can thug #1: Yo, I’m gonna kick your ass in front of every­one so they think that you’re a lit­tle bitch!
Do­mini­can thug #2: And this is the last time you’re hav­ing sex with my mom.

–Am­s­ter­dam Ave & 190th St

Over­heard by: chezi

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Roy G. Biv

Woman on phone hold­ing ba­by: You’d bet­ter not wear the green shirt. (pause) You are?! Well, I hope you look fuck­ing dis­gust­ing in it!

–As­to­ria

Over­heard by: Na­tal­ie

Sales as­so­ciate (to group of black-clad em­ploy­ees): Hey, you guys! There are too many blacks over there!

–Bloom­ing­dales

Hip dread­locked African Amer­i­can guy buy­ing tooth­brush: Uh, do you have an­oth­er col­or be­sides pink? I’m a guy. I mean, I know this is Chelsea and all, but still…

–Ko­re­an Deli, Chelsea

Jet­Blue flight crew: As you pre­pare to board the air­craft, please have your pass­port ready. If you do not have a pass­port, then please present your green card, blue card, red card, yel­low card, what­ev­er card you have…

–JFK

20-some­thing: So, have you seen Kim’s grand­child? It’s re­al­ly… yel­low. (pause) And I don’t mean like deroga­to­ry Asian yel­low. I mean, like… *yel­low*. Be­yond jaun­dice yel­low… Like *sun­flower* yel­low.

–Ocean Park­way

Over­heard by: Lisa Mavinel­li