Archive for 2011

Says the Woman Who Took Me to Arby's?

Mom to kid who picked up a rock and put it in his mouth: Ethan, what is that?
Kid: (evasive)
Mom, oddly, very very angry: Ethan, don't you remember what I told you yesterday about yummy things and yucky things? That's yucky! It's yucky! Can't you tell?

–W End Ave & 80th St

Overheard by: Jackie R

Does Amber Have Amblyopia? Discuss.

JAP to friend: You know what I wish?
Friend: What?
JAP, enthusiastically: I wish that the world was in, like, 3D!
Friend: It is in 3D, smartass.
JAP: Nooooo! 3D as in (makes in-and-out box motion with hands) whoooooooooooooo! That kind of 3D.

–Q Train

Texas Instruments: Eeeexcellent!

Teenage girl #1: Vibrators are like calculators. When you regularly get used to flipping a switch and having it done for you, you wind up sucking at doing math by yourself.
Teenage girl #2: Exactly! I keep trying to wean myself off, but then I'm like “nooooo! Too much work!”

–Rivington & Essex

The Proverbial Dominican Standoff

Dominican thug #1: Yo, I'm gonna kick your ass in front of everyone so they think that you're a little bitch!
Dominican thug #2: And this is the last time you're having sex with my mom.

–Amsterdam Ave & 190th St

Overheard by: chezi

Mmm, Blueberry Roll…

Guy #1: You smell like blueberries.
Guy #2: Yeah, that's just how I roll.

–Barrow & Bleecker

Wednesday One-Liners for Roy G. Biv

Woman on phone holding baby: You'd better not wear the green shirt. (pause) You are?! Well, I hope you look fucking disgusting in it!

–Astoria

Overheard by: Natalie

Sales associate (to group of black-clad employees): Hey, you guys! There are too many blacks over there!

–Bloomingdales

Hip dreadlocked African American guy buying toothbrush: Uh, do you have another color besides pink? I'm a guy. I mean, I know this is Chelsea and all, but still…

–Korean Deli, Chelsea

JetBlue flight crew: As you prepare to board the aircraft, please have your passport ready. If you do not have a passport, then please present your green card, blue card, red card, yellow card, whatever card you have…

–JFK

20-something: So, have you seen Kim's grandchild? It's really… yellow. (pause) And I don't mean like derogatory Asian yellow. I mean, like… *yellow*. Beyond jaundice yellow… Like *sunflower* yellow.

–Ocean Parkway

Overheard by: Lisa Mavinelli