FIT boy, squinting towards across the street at group of men dressed coordinately: Woah! Are they menswear!?
FIT girl: No… They’re marines… In the navy or something.
–27th & 7th
Overheard by: A
Archive for 2011
I Suppose It’s Possible I’m Overthinking It
Woman to boyfriend peeing on red SUV: I’m leaving you.
Passerby: Whoa, man! That could mean, like, a whole other level of thing, besides the pee.
–Williamsburg
Says the Woman Who Took Me to Arby’s?
Mom to kid who picked up a rock and put it in his mouth: Ethan, what is that?
Kid: (evasive)
Mom, oddly, very very angry: Ethan, don’t you remember what I told you yesterday about yummy things and yucky things? That’s yucky! It’s yucky! Can’t you tell?
–W End Ave & 80th St
Overheard by: Jackie R
…Granted, as Homosexually As Possible
Little girl #1: Look, that man is gay!
Little girl #2: Nooo, he’s just walking.
–Kingsbridge, Bronx
Overheard by: whoa_blackbetty
Does Amber Have Amblyopia? Discuss.
JAP to friend: You know what I wish?
Friend: What?
JAP, enthusiastically: I wish that the world was in, like, 3D!
Friend: It is in 3D, smartass.
JAP: Nooooo! 3D as in (makes in-and-out box motion with hands) whoooooooooooooo! That kind of 3D.
–Q Train
Texas Instruments: Eeeexcellent!
Teenage girl #1: Vibrators are like calculators. When you regularly get used to flipping a switch and having it done for you, you wind up sucking at doing math by yourself.
Teenage girl #2: Exactly! I keep trying to wean myself off, but then I’m like “nooooo! Too much work!”
–Rivington & Essex
The Proverbial Dominican Standoff
Dominican thug #1: Yo, I’m gonna kick your ass in front of everyone so they think that you’re a little bitch!
Dominican thug #2: And this is the last time you’re having sex with my mom.
–Amsterdam Ave & 190th St
Overheard by: chezi
Large Gay Black Men Are All About Portion Control
Large gay black man #1: You wanna go to Sprinkes?
Large gay black man #2: Oh, it opened?
Large gay black man #1: Yeah! That’s was gays do! Go to Sprinkles!
–60th St & Lexington Ave
Mmm, Blueberry Roll…
Guy #1: You smell like blueberries.
Guy #2: Yeah, that’s just how I roll.
–Barrow & Bleecker
Wednesday One-Liners for Roy G. Biv
Woman on phone holding baby: You’d better not wear the green shirt. (pause) You are?! Well, I hope you look fucking disgusting in it!
–Astoria
Overheard by: Natalie
Sales associate (to group of black-clad employees): Hey, you guys! There are too many blacks over there!
–Bloomingdales
Hip dreadlocked African American guy buying toothbrush: Uh, do you have another color besides pink? I’m a guy. I mean, I know this is Chelsea and all, but still…
–Korean Deli, Chelsea
JetBlue flight crew: As you prepare to board the aircraft, please have your passport ready. If you do not have a passport, then please present your green card, blue card, red card, yellow card, whatever card you have…
–JFK
20-something: So, have you seen Kim’s grandchild? It’s really… yellow. (pause) And I don’t mean like derogatory Asian yellow. I mean, like… *yellow*. Beyond jaundice yellow… Like *sunflower* yellow.
–Ocean Parkway
Overheard by: Lisa Mavinelli
