Archive for 2011

…And It's Not Like Diseases Ever Have a Cure.

Student #1: I can't go to your party. We're going to an anti-war rally
Student #2: I have a question. What does it mean to be anti-war?
Student #1: It means you're anti-war.
Student #2: I know, but… What does it do? I could be anti-cancer, but shit's still gonna happen.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Andrea

Stupid Planet

Boy: Look, it's the ground! (starts hitting sidewalk with small baseball bat)
Girl: Look, it's raining! Kill the sky!

–81st & Columbus

I Would Be If He'd Stop Calling Me

Suit #1: So he didn't take anything else?
Suit #2: No, he just smashed in the window and stole his iPhone.
Suit #1: Did he shit in the glove box?
Suit #2: No.
Suit #1: Then you should be thankful.

–Shake Shack

It Wasn't All That Great, Dear Reader

Hippie dude #1: Did you hear? This is the summer of sex!
Hippie dude #2: Says who?
Hippie dude #1: Says The Village Voice!
Hippie dude #2: What's The Village Voice?
Hippie dude #1: It's a newspaper.
Hippie dude #2: Oh, that's so great!

–68th & Lexington

New Wednesday One-Liners (Now With Myanmar!)

Loud male passenger: This is the bus where I met the Greek!

–M4 Bus

Teenage boy: Why are Europeans always taking pictures of squirrels? Do they not have squirrels in Europe?

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: eric

Midwestern woman to young daughter, watching loud Hispanic girls: You see? People from all kinds of places live in New York. It really is an international mecca. Do you know what "international" means? Not from here. And "international mecca" means "anything goes".

–N Train

Mother to 10-year old son: No, you're not. You're Greek! You know you're Greek, right?! You should know!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Katherine

Crazy hobo to group of British students: The British invasion was 47 years ago!

–Brooklyn

100% Kosher Wednesday One-Liners

Jewish girl: I'm not a good Jew. I'm like Spock.

–35th & 6th

Overheard by: superjew

Large, loud, middle-aged woman to girlfriends: And the worst part is they found a Jewish guy to play me in the movie!

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: bumblebree

20-something gentile: So what they're saying is, "if you're already Jewish, we can make you more Jewish."

–Union Square

Overheard by: Not Jewish

Boyfriend to girlfriend: Babe, when you grow up in a tight knit Jewish community, you don't notice noses.

–Angelina Cafe, Ave A & 3rd St

As Your Lawyers, We Advise You to Read These Wednesday One-Liners.

Bearded guy on cell, describing himself: Yeah… Scruffy. Like, if I lived in LA, I'd be a hipster, but because I live in New York, I'm just a sell-out lawyer.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: judydarkness

Judge: You are charged with unsafe driving, by pleading guilty you forfeit your right to a trial. Do you understand the charges brought against you? Of course you don't, because you don't speak English. (pause) Where's my damn interpreter?

–Courthouse

Overheard by: Taylor

Black man on cell: It's all because my lawyer is my brotha… We fuckin' break bread together!

–Elizabeth Street Center

Old woman holding broom: So that lawyer took the money? Goodbye! I'm going to kill her now!

–Astoria

Overheard by: Natalie