Archive for 2011

You Have a Face?

Old­er man: Ex­cuse me, but you are just beau­ti­ful.
Beau­ti­ful, big-bux­omed woman: How would you know? You haven’t seen my face yet.

–Mul­ber­ry b/w Spring & Prince

An­oth­er Rea­son to Love New York, Dear Read­er

Loud New Jer­sey tourist to group of loud New Jer­sey friends: Look, (points) it’s the Coop­er Union!
Loud New Jer­sey friends: What’s that?
Loud New Jer­sey tourist: I dun­no, but that’s what it says on the door.

–Coop­er Union

…for Din­ner.

Teenage girl #1: It’s not like I’m a cougar!
Teenage girl #2: You’re on­ly fifteen–how could you be a cougar?
Teenage girl #1: I mean, I like old­er men.

–NJ Tran­sit

Over­heard by: Grace­ful Space

…The Last One I Paid At­ten­tion To, Then

70-some­thing moth­er: He got his legs blown off and his arm cut off in the war.
30-some­thing son: Which war?
70-some­thing moth­er: The last one.
30-some­thing son: Mom, he’s in his late 60s.
70-some­thing moth­er: So?

–Cross­bay Boule­vard & 163rd St

Wednes­dass Hole-Lin­ers

Man, shout­ing across train plat­form to women on oth­er side: You on the oth­er train! You go­ing to Wood­lawn! Wood­lawn’s a man’s ass­hole!

–1 Train

Over­heard by: Go­ing the oth­er way

Over­ly loud ghet­to thug to 10-year-old white boy star­ing at him: Nig­ga, whatchu lookin’ up my ass­hole fo?”

–Bxm10 Ex­press Bus

Over­heard by: rec­tur in­spec­tor

Teen girl to friend: I’m not say­ing she’s an ass­hole, I’m say­ing her broth­er’s a jack­off.

–Newkirk Ave

Young woman: My son is a lot like me. My daugh­ter is a lot like her fa­ther: an ass­hole. She’s an ass­hole. Does that sound ter­ri­ble, that I call my two-year-old daugh­ter an ass­hole?

–1 Train

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Wednes­day Can-Be-Tak­en-More-Than-One-Way Lin­ers

Woman in the mid­dle of cell phone call, en­ter­ing crowd­ed el­e­va­tor: Well, I am leav­ing work right now, and bar­ring any un­fore­seen prob­lems, I will be able to take you both ways tonight!

–El­e­va­tor, 30 Rock­e­feller Plaza

Over­heard by: Michael

Small child hold­ing on to dad’s arm for sup­port on train: I’ll just hold on to your meaty pole.

–Up­town C Train

Over­heard by: K

Grand­moth­er to ta­ble: I don’t care if it’s big! I just don’t want it shriv­eled up.

–Bud­dy’s Deli, Glen Oaks

Over­heard by: Howie

Teacher, about flash dri­ve: Why do I have to lie on the floor to get this thing in… Can some­body do it for me please?

–Bronx High School of Sci­ence, His­to­ry Class

Over­heard by: ur­banad­ven­tur­er

British stu­dent tak­ing pic­ture of stat­ue: I’m go­ing to take it from be­hind.

–The Met

Squeaky-Clean Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Fa­ther on cell: When I come home, you’re go­ing to be sham­wowed.

–4th st & Ave A

7th grade Asian girl: My mom has­n’t done laun­dry in, like, for­ev­er. I’m wear­ing my bathing suit un­der this.

–Hunter Col­lege High School

Col­lege girl, out of nowhere: They should re­al­ly get soap on a rope in prison. I mean, would­n’t that help peo­ple if they are al­ways drop­ping the soap?

–NJ Tran­sit

Woman on phone: Kids have to be in bed by 9:30, but at 9:00 they must be in hot wa­ter, bathing and soak­ing their penis­es.

–40th St & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: Michelle