Archive for 2011

You Have a Face?

Older man: Excuse me, but you are just beautiful.
Beautiful, big-buxomed woman: How would you know? You haven't seen my face yet.

–Mulberry b/w Spring & Prince

Another Reason to Love New York, Dear Reader

Loud New Jersey tourist to group of loud New Jersey friends: Look, (points) it's the Cooper Union!
Loud New Jersey friends: What's that?
Loud New Jersey tourist: I dunno, but that's what it says on the door.

–Cooper Union

…for Dinner.

Teenage girl #1: It's not like I'm a cougar!
Teenage girl #2: You're only fifteen–how could you be a cougar?
Teenage girl #1: I mean, I like older men.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Graceful Space

…The Last One I Paid Attention To, Then

70-something mother: He got his legs blown off and his arm cut off in the war.
30-something son: Which war?
70-something mother: The last one.
30-something son: Mom, he's in his late 60s.
70-something mother: So?

–Crossbay Boulevard & 163rd St

Wednesdass Hole-Liners

Man, shouting across train platform to women on other side: You on the other train! You going to Woodlawn! Woodlawn's a man's asshole!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Going the other way

Overly loud ghetto thug to 10-year-old white boy staring at him: Nigga, whatchu lookin' up my asshole fo?"

–Bxm10 Express Bus

Overheard by: rectur inspector

Teen girl to friend: I'm not saying she's an asshole, I'm saying her brother's a jackoff.

–Newkirk Ave

Young woman: My son is a lot like me. My daughter is a lot like her father: an asshole. She's an asshole. Does that sound terrible, that I call my two-year-old daughter an asshole?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Wednesday Can-Be-Taken-More-Than-One-Way Liners

Woman in the middle of cell phone call, entering crowded elevator: Well, I am leaving work right now, and barring any unforeseen problems, I will be able to take you both ways tonight!

–Elevator, 30 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Michael

Small child holding on to dad's arm for support on train: I'll just hold on to your meaty pole.

–Uptown C Train

Overheard by: K

Grandmother to table: I don't care if it's big! I just don't want it shriveled up.

–Buddy's Deli, Glen Oaks

Overheard by: Howie

Teacher, about flash drive: Why do I have to lie on the floor to get this thing in… Can somebody do it for me please?

–Bronx High School of Science, History Class

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

British student taking picture of statue: I'm going to take it from behind.

–The Met

Squeaky-Clean Wednesday One-Liners

Father on cell: When I come home, you're going to be shamwowed.

–4th st & Ave A

7th grade Asian girl: My mom hasn't done laundry in, like, forever. I'm wearing my bathing suit under this.

–Hunter College High School

College girl, out of nowhere: They should really get soap on a rope in prison. I mean, wouldn't that help people if they are always dropping the soap?

–NJ Transit

Woman on phone: Kids have to be in bed by 9:30, but at 9:00 they must be in hot water, bathing and soaking their penises.

–40th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Michelle

Boys Are Just Accessories to Her.

Girl: Oh, I like your Irish necklace!
Guy: Here, you can have it.
Girl: Oh, wow, thanks! Now ill never forget you, Kevin!
Guy: It's Evan.

–Outside of Bodega, Astoria